The Fat Funk Continues...Oh and Weigh in non-results

I realise I've missed a few days blogging and no doubt you were all waiting with baited breath to read the stellar results and do high fives at my achievement of under 100kg following the weigh in on Sunday (11 July)...well you can lower your arms as I am sure they have now been rendered useless by waiting in the high five position for three days and you can unsubscribe from my blog to save yourselves the time and energy of continuing to read about my failure as a fat loss guru due to the fact that the end of week 9 saw me PUT ON WEIGHT! That's right, I went UP not down!!!

I am officially the worst Biggest Loser contestant in all of history!!! Melodramatic?? Maybe but work with me here people I am in the absolute depths of a really FAT FUNK!!!

First things first before I lie down on the blogger couch and regale you all with my tales of fat and woe...the weigh in non results...

101.3kg...a GAIN of 600g or 0.6kg

In terms of the competition...which we all recognise is an absolute joke because I really am unable to call myself a competitor at this stage...

Australian Competition

Contestant	Starting Weight	Week 9	Loss	%
Phil	146.9	91.2	7.8	8.6%
Joe	179.9	115.3	7.2	6.2%
David	165.6	103.5	4.3	4.2%
Shannon	214.3	145.1	5.5	3.8%
Lisa	121.9	78.6	2.9	3.7%
Phoebe	116	80.3	2.2	2.7%
Rick	172.6	111.6	-0.5	-0.4%
LBL	112	101.3	-0.6	-0.59%
Caitlan	179.0
Daina	105.2
Chris	129.9
Wayne	161.5
Jarna	118.8
Teneal	97.4
Elise	104.6
Jenni	130.6
Geoff	161.6
Romi	99.3
Allan	151.8

Unsurprisingly....LAST

The real turn up for the books is that I am now officially LAST in the American competition as well...now there's an achievement!!!

US Competition

Contestant	Starting Weight	Week 9	Loss	%
Sunshine	125	98.21	4.08	4.2%
Darris	157.27	112.76	4.54	4.0%
Koli	183.18	135.04	4.08	3.0%
O'Neal	176.82	137.3	4.08	3.0%
Sam	169.09	126.81	3.63	2.9%
Lance	165.91	128.2	3.63	2.8%
Michael	239.09	180.51	4.99	2.8%
Ashley	170.0	129.65	3.16	2.4%
Andrea	135.45	108.2	2.27	2.1%
Sherry	99.09	74.1	1.36	1.8%
Stephanie	120	94.56	0.91	1.0%
Victoria	162.73	145	0	0.0%
Melissa	105.91	99.09	0	0.0%
LBL	112	101.3	-0.6	-0.59%
Cheryl	103.18
Miggy	109.09
Darryl	190.91
John	220
Cherita	125.91
Migdalia	120.45
Maria	127.73
James	220.45
Patti	110.45

Can't you just smell the victory...that's right it's wrapped in a layer of butter, covered in sugar and deep fried!!!

So Week 10 has commenced or not commenced depending on the way you want to look at it and the fat funk has deepened...into a sense of complete fat failure...

By the beginning of week 10...according to my impeccable statistical calculations and the reference point of previous winners of the Biggest Loser my weight should currently be...
82.8kg that's a FAT WHOPPING DIFFERENCE OF...18.5kg...that should have been a total weight loss of 29.2kg...NOT the pissy 10.7kg...PATHETIC!!!!!!

And guess what....at the end of week 9....

I AM STILL FAT!!!!!

Hence the ever expanding FAT FUNK!!!!!

So Sunday, Monday and Tuesday have come and gone and I have done a grand total of...

NOTHING...BUBKISS....NADA....ZIP....ZERO....NIENTE.....F**K ALL

I realise that a truly determined person would turn this adversity into a reason to work harder...unfortunately readers I am NOT that person...I am a little fat tug boat whose engine is currently lying in dock whilst the owners consider decommissioning me permanently...

With the G-Star's Birthday soujourne to Melbourne rapidly approaching and a fun and food filled gluttony the order of the day...the Living Biggest Loser experiment is not looking good people and neither am I for that matter... so with fatness continuing in mind (and body) I will sign off with what appears to be my perpetual moniker...

Yours in fatness

LBL