Week 13 - Day 3 - 4 August...And in the beginning there was pain!

I recognise that when you start a new relationship there are usually birds chirping, butterflies fluttering and a slight queasy sensation in the pit of your stomach at the thought of seeing and being with your 'new' other half...

My new relationship imbues me with a nauseous sensation in my stomach, a cold sweat across my forehead and arm pits and a somewhat sick taste in my mouth...good morning Washinator!!

Entering into the first 'training' of week 13 I had had a few days to ponder my chubby navel and consider the what next with little to no exertion from my little fat body...oh bliss! However, doing nothing is not going to get this little fat fatty anywhere and as a 'wise' person once said...doing what you have always done will get you what you have always gotten...that is FAT!!

So the Washinator and I have devised a new schedule (said with a Vinny Barbarina twang...that is skedoole) and it looks a little like this (please keep in mind people that this is my 'introductory' few days with the Washinator...apparently next week THINGS WILL CHANGE...and we can safely assume NOT for the better!!)



This is not a test people...this is the REAL THING! And unfortunately for my fat little body I feel like the last 12 weeks have been a mere dawdle in comparison with what this maniac has in store for me...at the end of 'day 1' with the Washinator there is only one statement I can make...

I HURT

I don't mean slight discomfort or a little twinge....I truly HURT and I'm sure if I could feel any major limbs in my body I would HURT EVEN MORE!!!

So why do I hurt....well sit down a while and let me tell you WHY!!!!

Our morning PT session was, as I quickly found out, the Washinator's SIASS...suck it and see session. What do I mean by this...well the Washinator needed to determine my 'level' of fitness (to use my recently coined turn of phrase and oxymoron...my Fit Fatness). I can honestly say I never would have thought you could hurt, sweat and swear so much 'just' doing step ups! This is probably a pertinent time to tell you something that I am not proud of...it is humiliating and is something that leaves me guffawing when it happens on the Biggest Loser (due to its pathetic nature)...today in my first session with the Washinator...I...almost..........cried!

There I've said it, I am now officially a REALLY pathetic fat person that cries at exercise...my gods what has become of me???

Moving right along (it does no good to dwell on one's dismal fatcomings) the Washinator did 'achieve' something that hasn't occurred for over 11 weeks....I may not have succumbed to lying on the floor in a pool of my own sweat and crying BUT....I did spew! Apparently, as I have now learnt, this has absolutely no effect on the Washinator except for the inconvenient fact that I was required to have downtime to run/waddle to the ladies to spew...he is putting his mind to how he might be able to 'save time' and have me continue to train whilst spewing...should be novel!!

Let me tell you people, I thought I had been working hard the last 12 weeks...and I know 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing and that this entire experiment is just that an experiment and as such a learning process but honestly...one session with this freak and I wanted to run away to Guatemala never to be heard from again...the problem is this maniac would come and find me and make me do exercise in the hot, humid, stinking rain forrest!!!

Suffice to say that having done 'cardio' with this freak I really had no idea (and I mean NO IDEA people) of what was waiting for me in the PT session scheduled for the PM!! Oh but I soon found out...

Have you heard of the training 'philosophy' know as TiE (that's my little take on the term...it really should be DIE but I digress)...TiE stands for (in my language at least) til exhaustion (or til I'm exhausted) but apparently that doesn't mean until I think I'm exhausted...that means until this raving lunatic that I am paying by the hour thinks I'm exhausted...apparently he's big on value for money...me I'm happy to pay and get absolutely nothing in return...I don't see that as a waste of money...

So back to TiE...today's session resulted in...another spew (count it that's two, two spews for the day) and a focus on core/abs and upper body - pecs, shoulders etc. The new novelty of this kind of torture is that you don't get to stop after 10, 12, 15 or even 20 reps Oh No...you just keep going til you can't go no more and don't even think about pulling out the girly card and pretending to be spent after 10 reps...apparently the Washinator has had his heart surgically removed and tears, spew and profanity are literally water off a lunatic's back...

Apparently, following the PT session it had been determined by the fat gods in consultation with the Washinator that my day was not done...oh no...next....pull on the Jersey fatty because Team Da Phat is limbering up for Stage 6 of the Tour de Fat!!

Have limped, crawled, wheezed and sworn my way through the 45 + min session that was Stage 6 I was finally permitted to leave the Hell Fire Pits of sadomasochistic torture for the day and waddle, crawl and cry my way home for the evening...with the terrible realisation that this nightmare will continue again tomorrow...

Yours in my perpetual state of fat and pain

LBL