Having been contemplating weight loss for approximately the last 10+ years and having neither the fortitude or overwhelming desire to actual do anything about it, at 36 years of age I find myself in a rather under-performing, underachieving and put quite bluntly under attractive body. I've had a fair share of health issues throughout the last 10 years not the least of which has been the removal of major body parts (thyroid and uterus) as a last ditch attempt at shedding those unwanted pounds (only half joking on that front!). So as far as body function goes, let's just say as someone who has been identified as an overachiever, I am pretty well underdone and undone in this area!
So...having been freakishly addicted to the Biggest Loser ever since the luscious Gillian Michaels and not so luscious Bob Harper graced our shores in 2006, I have been fascinated by the global phenomenon of watching fat people humiliate themselves for public consumption known as entertainment.
Year after year I have watched the program (both Australian and US) religiously with a cynical guffaw at the broken individuals who are so desperate to lose weight they are willing to humiliate themselves on national television on a daily basis. All the while thinking obnoxiously to myself that, oh well, I may be fat but I'm not THAT FAT!
Well guess what, I am THAT FAT and I'm not getting any thinner or younger!
So with this in mind a sinister plan started formulating in my complex (and often scary) mind. What would force, that's right, FORCE me to lose weight? My partner hasn't been able to do it, almost dying (a number of times) hasn't been able to do it, being miserable (on a relative scale) when attempting to purchase somewhat remotely fashionable clothes in the fat people's section of Myer hasn't been able to do it...so what would do IT?
Ritual humiliation on a grand scale!
So with that in mind, I started to hatch my plan...and it goes a little somethin' like this...
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