I don't think I have previously mentioned my one, ever abiding, ever constant, ever present physical weakness (and no I am not talking about my fat)...ever since I can remember and according to family members even before that, my throat has been my Achilles Heel (so to speak) and has plagued me from the moment I popped out (or pretty soon after).
I have honestly lost track of the number of infected throats I have had throughout my 36 years but rest assured throughout my early childhood and teens you could pretty much count the number of days I didn't have an infected throat as opposed to when I did. Even after having my tonsils removed at the ripe of age of 18 there has been little, if any improvement over the years.
When I get stressed, I get an infected throat...When I get pressured, I get an infected throat, When I get overtired, I get an infected throat...and when I fail, I get an infected throat. Well many might say this is simply mind over matter and no doubt if I cared to delve deeper it would be found that this is a psychosomatic response to my life's challenges...Unfortunately that does not ameliorate the fact that once again...you guessed it, I have an infected throat and basically feel like SHIT!
I have spent the entire day gargling, sucking on soothers, sleeping and attempting to formulate in my own mind how I can be so lacking in resilience. Resilience is an interesting human strength that it would appear I am in short supply of...in four short weeks I have ostensibly given up and why because I only pulled a weight loss of 200grams in week 4. My gods there are another 12 whole weeks to give up in...show some stamina for gods sake!
Another thing I am discovering about myself is that I am sorely lacking in putting pressure on myself...I mean this in terms of my training efforts...don't get me wrong when I train and run with the Bastardo I work my sizeable arse into a very sweaty lather, it's when I try to train by myself which, let's face it is the lion's share of training each day that I am, well to put it mildly, piss poor...I just don't seem to have the gutzpa to make myself really, really sweat and this is a major problem.
In addition to these myriad of shortcomings I am actually of the opinion that I have successfully done the one thing I knew would be the death knell of this project...I have sent my body into starvation mode by not eating enough...on average my caloric intake last week was about 1000 calories (on a good day) is it any wonder my fat little body is trying to hold on to its precious fat...it thinks I'm trying to kill it...
So on reflection, it has come to my attention that I am a complete and utter idiot and the worse weight loss example to ever have put fat in a gym. I have already written off one day this week (week 5) and that really can be the only lost day for the remainder of this experiment. I am in desperate need of a pep talk so I think I am going to have to find someone who can give me a bit of insight into their own weight loss experience Biggest Loser style...
It's time to dust myself off, show the world (and myself) that I am resilient even in the face of failure and get my big fat arse back to the gym...
Til tomorrow
Yours in fatness
LBL
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