I recognise that I may be coming across as well, somewhat selfish, self centered, self absorbed, pathetic, a cry baby and I readily admit at this point in time all of these descriptors sum me up in toto...What is it that I have to be pissed off about...is it that in the back of my head I had actually led myself to believe that I could replicate the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Phenomenon (as they market it on the television) and lose masses amounts of weight in seemingly micro seconds?? I think one part of me wanted to believe that...the other part of me (one might say the cynical part of me) knew that it was really a crock of shit...but let's take the ride of the last few days to see how I got to this miserable point...
The Bastardo has abandoned me (albeit for a limited time) but none the less a highly strung, highly needy fat person like myself cannot afford to be abandoned especially not by the Bastardo...no doubt some further explanation is required...It was the Bastardo's Birthday on Sunday (27 June...Happy F**king Birthday) and given he has biological family down south who are apparently MORE important than ME he departed for colder climes on Thursday following our afternoon run...Now a proper Biggest Loser Contestant (unlike the try hard that I am) would have had a plan for the days that the Bastardo was AWOL and to a certain extent I did....I wasn't going to do ANYTHING!!! Now that's a plan!!! Not completely accurate but it did make me sound like a REAL FAT REBEL!!!
Friday was to introduce training with my Biggest Loser Guru Sharif who now runs his own PT business called Sharifit. Sharif is a follower of Commando Steve's training style called Cross Fit which involves high intensity over a defined period of time... of course I dragged the ever faithfully G-Star along to share the pain. What I found really good about the hour session was the real focus on making sure our technique was good particularly with Sit Ups, Step Ups and Push Ups...One mild stone I did achieve throughout the training was I actually completed 5 x 12inch box jumps all by myself (given that Sharif refused to provide me with arm stabilising support...Bastard!) The session was hard and resulted in a bit of soreness over the following few days in the legs and stomach but all in all a not so fun time was had by all:
Training Time:8.00am
Length of Training Time: 1hour 07min 08sec
Intensity: 1-2
Calories Burnt: 347
Cal Fat: 37%
The rest of the day was spent, well really in pampering...being completely unable (and to be honest unwilling) to allow my Syndrome (check out the Incredibles if you don't understand the character reference) hair any longer I headed off to the gorgeous Anthony (my Master Stylist) to get a new, funky and far more controllable do! After that it was time for my weekly massage with Mo (who as we have previously mentioned has the hands of a Goddess!) - an hour and a half of lovely, oily pleasure (which did not involve any effort on my part) and I was really ready for a nice nana nap...however this was not to be...because it was GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!! And fat girl...given my state of mind..it was going to be a BIG NIGHT!! and it was...dinner at Mecca Bah - Turkish Pizza and then off the Freestyle Dessert Bar to completely gormandise on a warm Sticky Date Pudding!!!! Biggest Loser be damned this Fatty was going for broke!!!
Not content with completely bastardising my caloric intake for the day I decided to torpedo the entire week with Saturday and Sunday consisting of Buttermilk Pancakes, Pizza and Grilled Burgers (obviously not in one sitting but hey you get the picture) and to round out (literally) a completely shit week...Saturday, Sunday and Monday - NO EXERCISE!
So what does this mean exactly...that I have lost the plot...YES...that I want to binge on every piece of crap food in site...YES...that I never want to see the inside of Satan's Lair or the Bastardo again in my entire life....YES, well Maybe well OK NO but these flashes of bliss have crossed my mind over the past few days.
By the end of week 7 my scheduled weight loss chart (based on the historic reference of loss from the illustrious Biggest Loser - The Show) indicated I should and WOULD be 89.3kg INSTEAD I remain stuck in the burdensome 3 digit vortex of fat at 102.3kg (a weekly loss of 0.7kg or put another way 700g). In terms of the 'competition':
Australian Series:
| Contestant | Starting Weight | Week 7 | Loss | % |
| Lisa | 121.9 | 84.7 | 5.1 | 6.0% |
| Rick | 172.6 | 116.6 | 5.7 | 4.9% |
| Joe | 179.9 | 126.5 | 6.1 | 4.8% |
| Shannon | 214.3 | 157.9 | 7.1 | 4.5% |
| Phil | 146.9 | 94.1 | 3.9 | 4.1% |
| Caitlan | 179.0 | 131.5 | 5.4 | 4.1% |
| Phoebe | 116 | 85 | 2.8 | 3.3% |
| David | 165.6 | 113.3 | 2.5 | 2.2% |
| LBL | 112 | 102.3 | 0.7 | 0.68% |
| Daina | 105.2 |
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| Chris | 129.9 |
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| Wayne | 161.5 |
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| Jarna | 118.8 |
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| Teneal | 97.4 |
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| Elise | 104.6 |
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| Jenni | 130.6 |
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| Geoff | 161.6 |
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| Romi | 99.3 |
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| Allan | 151.8 |
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Alas a dismal last AGAIN!!! I recognise my vibrant personality and witticisms are all that is saving me in this competition but for F**K sake can I cut a break...obviously this week I don't really deserve to have cut a break but come ON...I have been trying!!!
OK over to the US:
| Contestant | Starting Weight | Week 7 | Loss | % |
| Stephanie | 120 | 96.83 | 3.63 | 3.7% |
| Michael | 239.09 | 189.58 | 6.8 | 3.6% |
| Sherry | 99.09 | 77.74 | 2.72 | 3.5% |
| Ashley | 170.0 | 136.44 | 4.54 | 3.3% |
| Koli | 183.18 | 143.66 | 4.54 | 3.2% |
| Sunshine | 125 | 105.47 | 3.18 | 3.0% |
| O'Neal | 176.82 | 143.66 | 4.08 | 2.8% |
| Sam | 169.09 | 131.85 | 3.63 | 2.8% |
| Darris | 157.27 | 121.38 | 3.18 | 2.6% |
| Cheryl | 103.18 | 85.03 | 1.8 | 2.1% |
| Andrea | 135.45 | 113.65 | 2.27 | 2.0% |
| Miggy | 109.09 | 91.85 | 1.8 | 2.0% |
| Lance | 165.91 | 136.37 | 2.28 | 1.7% |
| LBL | 112 | 103 | 0.7 | 0.68% |
| Victoria | 162.73 | 145 | 0 | 0.0% |
| Melissa | 105.91 | 99.09 | 0 | 0.0% |
| Darryl | 190.91 |
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| John | 220 |
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| Cherita | 125.91 |
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| Migdalia | 120.45 |
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| Maria | 127.73 |
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| James | 220.45 |
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| Patti | 110.45 |
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So with Week 7 drawn to a close and Week 8 off to a non-existent exercise start there is a real need to re-group and figure out why this experiment isn't working like it does on the TV or 'in the house' and what a fat person like myself needs to remain committed and focussed on masses of weight loss in a short period of time...I have been waxing lyrical on this for what seems like weeks and as yet have not been able to hit on the IT that seems to come with being 'on/in' the Biggest Loser Competition.
Alas, as another entry ends...yours in continued fatness
LBL
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