OK, so as you can imagine after the Fat and Bitter Paris Fashion Week debacle and a 24+ hour flight home from our Italian Viaggio...tired and cranky had emerged as the words dejour to describe myself and my trusty travelling companions G-Star and Madster...
Once again I need to digress and (for visual purposes think thought bubble over little fat Me's head) enter the world of my monologue aka soliloquy...
To premise this entry I would like to pose a question...at what point in human evolution did it become acceptable to engage in any of the following activities:
1. Ram your trolley into the back of the person in front of you?
2. Call a complete stranger fat, ugly, repulsive etc
3. Get completely and staggeringly shit faced and punch, spit, bitch slap, vomit etc anyone, anywhere?
4. Ignore any and all accepted norms of social propriety, manners, courtesy etc etc
5. Look like a low priced street walker with a limited grasp of the English language and verbally insult a complete stranger for showing some level of consideration to other people?
Yes the list could go on an on....but I think in essence you get the picture of my confusion...but, you may well ask, from whence did this stem???
Well, back to our Australian return...as mentioned after an incredibly long (and I mean LONG) flight no-one is looking or feeling their best (exceptions to this rule may be the bastards who can afford to travel first class but for the unwashed masses like my fat little self...it was cattle all the way baby...cattle all the way)....
Having made our way through immigration and collected our now sizable amount of luggage from the carousel, we were heading to customs (being good global citizens we were declaring out box of Parisian chocolates and Limoncello)...The G-Star, Madster and myself were patiently waiting in the line that was being directed by the Customs Officer when a 'charming' piece of trailer trash decided that 'we' were not moving fast enough for her...the fact that the line wasn't moving at all was evidently beyond the mental capacity of said individual but I digress...as a consequence of our 'tardiness' said piece of trailer trash thought it socially acceptable to ram her trolley into the back of the G-Star with the eloquent demand to 'keep movin'...G-Star (who to my surprise was relatively calm) turned around and highlighted that given the line wasn't moving she wasn't going to be so rude as to ram her trolley into the back of someones leg...said unintelligent individual then let some diabolical diatribe of verbal diarrhea spew forth at G-Star (which the G-Star chose to ignore) but given I was, as previously mentioned a little tired and a lot cranky, I turned to said Hooka (I am obviously utilising African American slang which paints a better picture of the said individual we are discussing) and politely informed her that some people have manners and as such show a level of politeness when waiting in lines....well apparently this was a little too much for the Einsteinium individual who then chose to respond with (and I quote)..."What you call manners I call style which some of us have...given you are quite BIG it's no wonder you don't have any style..." Now I must admit, I was slightly caught off guard with being called fat by a complete stranger...this may seem somewhat surprising given I have an entire blog, twitter account and life dedicated to my fatness but being called fat by some piece of white trash hookaesk Neanderthal at the Brisbane international airport did, I must admit disconcert me.... so I guess you are wondering how I responded...minutes later I had ascribe numerous witty comebacks relating to her mental prowess (or lack their of), the fact that she obviously hadn't mentally developed beyond year 2 and calling the poor little fat girl fat and laughing at her, the fact that she obviously charged by the hour - and not that much given her appearance etc etc but alas, still being somewhat dumbfounded at being called fat by this cretinous piece of trailer trash I responded with the following 'This is really a sad welcome back to Australia if you're the first Australian we have come across..." To which she responded "Aussie, born and bred' to which I then responded with 'well that truly is a sad indictment on Australia..."...once again, English obviously not being said individuals strong point (I think it was the word indictment that confused) little Miss Hooka Trailer Trash then proceeded to spew forth the following "If I looked like you I wouldn't even step foot outside of me house....' and some such other equally intelligent and insulting verbal diarrhoea....the G-Star and Madster were both completely oblivious to all that transpired and the scene ended with the Hooka heading off to go through customs in another cue...
So...now you are a little the wiser as to my outburst regarding manners, appropriateness and acceptable sociable behaviour...I am hoping beyond hope that said individual is an exception to the rule and that we should pity her, her lack of education, her lack of earning/career potential, or lack of well any redeeming quality at all really and that people, and particularly women are far more evolved and advanced than this poor example of an 'Australian Woman'....here's hoping...
What did surprise me from a personal perspective was how affronted I was at being called fat...even though I am completely self deprecating and utilise the 'f' word in all of my correspondence and communications it really did shock and somewhat undermine me to be called fat by a complete stranger...I suppose the problem was, on reflection, that in societal terms, in spite of my efforts over the last 4+ months and having lost 13+kg, I am still in essence...FAT and considered to be so by society at large....this started me thinking about what is FAT??? Who defines what FAT is??? Is Fat size 14...size 16 or my current size 18??? Is fat a derogatory term that people (complete strangers) feel it is perfectly OK to spit out at unsuspecting 'fat' people in order to demean and embarrass...has FAT become the pinnacle of insults...worse than bitch....unintelligent/stupid/moronic etc etc
When did the word FAT gain so much social disdain that it hurts so much....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Fat and Bitter = Paris Fashion Week
OK...picture this is you possibly can...as you are all aware the G-Star, Madster and I set off on our Italian Viaggio in early September still hovering at the fat god demeaning 100kg mark and having embarked on a new prescription medicines regime in the hopes of moving my metabolism into, well a slow crawl would be a step upwards come to think of it...after three plus exciting, food challenging and marathon walking weeks throughout bella Italia we were destined for the exotic, well perhaps not exotic but Parisian shores of gay Pari!!!
Paris was to be our blow out stop...our 'we are rock stars' moment blowing a considerable amount of savings on staying at a 4 and a half star hotel on the rue de Rivoli (which turns into the Champs Elise) across the road from the Louvre and the Tuleries...well you get the picture. So having spent three weeks on beds akin to travetine and marble, the luxury and decadence of Hotel St James and Albany was calling and unbeknown to us...so to was Paris Fashion Week!!!
Please try, for a moment at least, to imagine this...after travelling (not holidaying) for four weeks, living out of a suitcase in a range of average to very average hotels throughout the length and breadth of Italy, having trained, bused, walked, waddled (and yes at times perhaps even crawled) through a myriad of tourist meccas, out of the way villages, monuments, gondolas, vaporettos, taxis and possibly a horse or mule (just kidding but work with me here) we arrived in Paris DURING PARIS FASHION WEEK looking, well...LIKE WHAT THE BLOODY CAT DRAGGED IN!!!!
The fat gods were obviously at their finest during this time because it appears that our hotel of choice was one of the (if not THE) key hotels for the cat walk models, designers, buyers, lapdogs, try hards, wanna bes etc etc from across the friggin globe all there in the Parisian fantasy that is...the world wide fashion industry.
As they say (who they is I am not quite sure but I will go with it)...one 'man's' dream is another little fat ducks nightmare and so....ENTER MY NIGHTMARE!!!
(This segway is a little thought bubble so to speak, a personal monologue for your reading pleasure)...
I have never viewed myself as a bitter person...a fat person yes...at times a cranky person...si si....on more than one occasion a smart arse person..oui oui... but never a bitter person...Paris Fashion week has changed me 4EVA!!! Even my grasp of the English language seems to have been adversely affected...
I had never really given 'fashion' much of a thought previously. Perhaps as a fat person, 'fashion' actually, more often than not equates to finding something, anything that will fit and doesn't look like a mou mou. My 'dress sense' has a few staples, fat people's jeans, fat shirts (one's that hang like a tent but are truly like a warm embracing hug) and business attire - this part of my wardrobe can be summed up in one word...black. Therefore you can imagine my consternation, surprise, disgust, wonderment, incredulity, curiousness at what is the world of 'fashion' alla Parisian style.
Where does one start...with the emaciated models that look like stick insects and are, as the Madster so eloquently put it, glorified clothes hangers, should we start with the concept of an entire industry based on the premise of 'thinness'. The idea that a sack with a chain as a belt short enough to see the model's 'muffin' constitutes 'fashion', the obscene amounts of money spent by 'high class' fashion 'buyers' who will then go forth and...and what dictate to young girls and women of all ages that their bodies are vile and all wrong because they don't fit into a size 000 - which I naively thought related to new born baby clothing... (I did warn you people...bitter!)
Suffice to say, it was a bit of a stand out that the G-Star and myself were not, I repeat NOT part of the fashion contingent that had be felled Paris for the week...the fact that we were wearing the same clothes day in day out, washed in the basin of our bathroom and left to dry atop the towel rack...no we definitely were not 'fashionable'...
Speaking of so called 'fashion'...I had little to no luck in purchasing any additional clothing (other than shoes because as we all know tits and toes people...tits and toes...is where the weight has disappeared from!)... I think, whether fortunately or unfortunately, I have gotten to the point where attempting to buy clothes from anywhere other than Myer's Fat Peoples (read fat womens') section is a bit beyond my chubby fat comfort zone...so in essence...I don't even bother...once again I reiterate people...FAT AND BITTER!!!
So, Paris Fashion week was really the week that wasn't for fat little old me....my bitterness is only now subsiding 3 weeks AFTER my return from my Italian viaggio and Paris fiasco....but wait the next entry my rage reaches a whole new level....welcome back to Australia fatty....
Paris was to be our blow out stop...our 'we are rock stars' moment blowing a considerable amount of savings on staying at a 4 and a half star hotel on the rue de Rivoli (which turns into the Champs Elise) across the road from the Louvre and the Tuleries...well you get the picture. So having spent three weeks on beds akin to travetine and marble, the luxury and decadence of Hotel St James and Albany was calling and unbeknown to us...so to was Paris Fashion Week!!!
Please try, for a moment at least, to imagine this...after travelling (not holidaying) for four weeks, living out of a suitcase in a range of average to very average hotels throughout the length and breadth of Italy, having trained, bused, walked, waddled (and yes at times perhaps even crawled) through a myriad of tourist meccas, out of the way villages, monuments, gondolas, vaporettos, taxis and possibly a horse or mule (just kidding but work with me here) we arrived in Paris DURING PARIS FASHION WEEK looking, well...LIKE WHAT THE BLOODY CAT DRAGGED IN!!!!
The fat gods were obviously at their finest during this time because it appears that our hotel of choice was one of the (if not THE) key hotels for the cat walk models, designers, buyers, lapdogs, try hards, wanna bes etc etc from across the friggin globe all there in the Parisian fantasy that is...the world wide fashion industry.
As they say (who they is I am not quite sure but I will go with it)...one 'man's' dream is another little fat ducks nightmare and so....ENTER MY NIGHTMARE!!!
(This segway is a little thought bubble so to speak, a personal monologue for your reading pleasure)...
I have never viewed myself as a bitter person...a fat person yes...at times a cranky person...si si....on more than one occasion a smart arse person..oui oui... but never a bitter person...Paris Fashion week has changed me 4EVA!!! Even my grasp of the English language seems to have been adversely affected...
I had never really given 'fashion' much of a thought previously. Perhaps as a fat person, 'fashion' actually, more often than not equates to finding something, anything that will fit and doesn't look like a mou mou. My 'dress sense' has a few staples, fat people's jeans, fat shirts (one's that hang like a tent but are truly like a warm embracing hug) and business attire - this part of my wardrobe can be summed up in one word...black. Therefore you can imagine my consternation, surprise, disgust, wonderment, incredulity, curiousness at what is the world of 'fashion' alla Parisian style.
Where does one start...with the emaciated models that look like stick insects and are, as the Madster so eloquently put it, glorified clothes hangers, should we start with the concept of an entire industry based on the premise of 'thinness'. The idea that a sack with a chain as a belt short enough to see the model's 'muffin' constitutes 'fashion', the obscene amounts of money spent by 'high class' fashion 'buyers' who will then go forth and...and what dictate to young girls and women of all ages that their bodies are vile and all wrong because they don't fit into a size 000 - which I naively thought related to new born baby clothing... (I did warn you people...bitter!)
Suffice to say, it was a bit of a stand out that the G-Star and myself were not, I repeat NOT part of the fashion contingent that had be felled Paris for the week...the fact that we were wearing the same clothes day in day out, washed in the basin of our bathroom and left to dry atop the towel rack...no we definitely were not 'fashionable'...
Speaking of so called 'fashion'...I had little to no luck in purchasing any additional clothing (other than shoes because as we all know tits and toes people...tits and toes...is where the weight has disappeared from!)... I think, whether fortunately or unfortunately, I have gotten to the point where attempting to buy clothes from anywhere other than Myer's Fat Peoples (read fat womens') section is a bit beyond my chubby fat comfort zone...so in essence...I don't even bother...once again I reiterate people...FAT AND BITTER!!!
So, Paris Fashion week was really the week that wasn't for fat little old me....my bitterness is only now subsiding 3 weeks AFTER my return from my Italian viaggio and Paris fiasco....but wait the next entry my rage reaches a whole new level....welcome back to Australia fatty....
Monday, September 27, 2010
Permesso la grassa...excuse me fatty!
So, our Italian Viaggio is drawing to a close as we are off to gay Paris this evening and I recognise that my blogging and fat investigative efforts have been somewhat hampered by our day and night tripping across Bella Italia! As previously mentioned, the little I have seen of the Italian 'Fitness Industry' is that it is virtually non existent with only a very few handful of gyms sprouting up in some really strange places...to date the only advertisements for gym type facilities have been in Sorrento (opening in November) and Venice (of all bloody places where you can't even swing a cat due to the space restrictions!!). I took a photo of the advert for your info:
What has been really evident whilst on our viaggio is the number of obese and morbidly obese travellers there are around the countryside. A lot of whom appear to be American and British if the accents are to go by...
On another note, today (Monday 27 September - our last day in Italy) we (the G-Star) and I came across (by coincydink) a set of death dealers in a farmacia...so for shits and giggles I jumped on to see what damage has been done in the past three weeks without Satan's Lair and the Washinator...well fully clothed with shoes and straight after breakfast the Italian Death Dealers indicated my current weight as being 103kg...now I realise people that this is heavier than I left the Australian shores BUT I am actually not unhappy with this as I really believe that in the scheme of things, when I return to sunny Brisvegas the death dealers may indicate that I have been able to maintain a level of homeostasis with my weight during the viaggio!!!
So as mentioned, off to Paris this evening and the hotel we are staying at for the next 5 days has a gym and a swimming pool SO...the intention is to start to get back in to some type of exercise regime prior to our departure from the continent in preparation for the 12 weeks shred with Washi when I return...oh boy wont you get some reading enjoyment out of that!!!
So, until the next entry...yours wrapped in Italian cheese, wine and gelati
F'Athlete d'Italia
What has been really evident whilst on our viaggio is the number of obese and morbidly obese travellers there are around the countryside. A lot of whom appear to be American and British if the accents are to go by...
On another note, today (Monday 27 September - our last day in Italy) we (the G-Star) and I came across (by coincydink) a set of death dealers in a farmacia...so for shits and giggles I jumped on to see what damage has been done in the past three weeks without Satan's Lair and the Washinator...well fully clothed with shoes and straight after breakfast the Italian Death Dealers indicated my current weight as being 103kg...now I realise people that this is heavier than I left the Australian shores BUT I am actually not unhappy with this as I really believe that in the scheme of things, when I return to sunny Brisvegas the death dealers may indicate that I have been able to maintain a level of homeostasis with my weight during the viaggio!!!
So as mentioned, off to Paris this evening and the hotel we are staying at for the next 5 days has a gym and a swimming pool SO...the intention is to start to get back in to some type of exercise regime prior to our departure from the continent in preparation for the 12 weeks shred with Washi when I return...oh boy wont you get some reading enjoyment out of that!!!
So, until the next entry...yours wrapped in Italian cheese, wine and gelati
F'Athlete d'Italia
Thursday, September 23, 2010
22 September 2010 - Day 13 of the Italian Viaggio
OK Peeps now we're back in to the swing of things! Have been spending the day e-mailing and updating facebook pictures galour (facebook address is helen@themuse.com.au if you want to friend up and see our pictures!). Have also been getting CAPITAL pep talks from the Washinator via e-mail about walking, walking, walking and only eating 'good' Italian food...
Well let me tell you ALL ITALIAN FOOD IS GOOD AND THAT"S THE PROBLEM!!!
So, as mentioned in my earlier entry, the walking has been top notch...although not at break neck speed - no high intensity but I think it has been a strong slow long cardio burn...walking has been averaging at the very least 2 hours per day and sometimes upwards of 4 plus so for the last 12 odd days that's been a strong point. The eating, as also previously mentioned, has been a bit more of a challenge...without the diet retinas of the Washinator and the Fiery Red Head (Lauren) to be on my butt, so to speak, about a food journal and balanced meals, eating every 2 hours etc etc things have gotten a bit, well OUT OF CONTROL!!!
I was making the observation over my grilled scampi and Toscana Salad (lettuce, olives, cheese, tomatoes and basil) at lunch just a few short hours ago that eating in Italy is a very different experience... when at home, eating is a bit of an obsession (at least for me it is)...when I am 'dieting' I constantly feel cranky at the perceived deprivation I am experiencing at the hands of supposed 'others'...the G-Star, Washi, Lauren etc... over here in Italia...eating is part of life not actually life itself, as is working...life is about living, enjoying and celebrating whereas, at least from my perspective, at home life becomes a constant battle...a battle for weight loss, a battle for a better job, more money, to be happier, to be skinnier, to be prettier...you get the picture. So, getting back to the story at hand, eating has been a challenge since we arrived, not in terms of eating constantly, the Italian strategy for eating is as follows:
Breakfast: very basic, some cereal (maybe), espresso (definitely) and a sweat roll (similar to croissants but not as buttery or as big) - this is at least what is on offer at the hotels...
Lunch: this can consist of a variety of things - espresso is a staple, but can include a sit down lunch...sometimes antipasto, primi piatti (first plate), secondi piatti (second plate) and then if you're so inclined dolce (sweats/dessert)...lunch staples can include pizza, pannini with mozzarella e prosciutto, lots of water (natural or frizzante) or could be a pasta (with carne/meat or pesce (seafood/fish)...
Dinner: looks a lot like lunch but is done is a far more relaxed and enjoyable (non time sensitive) manner...dinner can take upwards of 3 hours with lots of Vino, talking and laughing...
Then they get up and do it all again the next day!!!
So eating, although not 'bad' if there is such a thing as 'bad' eating...has not included McDonald and I can't say I have sighted at KFC at all (thank the gods some things remain sacred in Italy!!) But it has included large portions of pizza. pasta, cheese and of course gelati...I think it inevitable that there will be some weight gain whilst on this viaggio...
Currently on the train to Bologna then off to Venice...more Italian insights to come....
Your pseudo-Italian F'Athlete
Ciao....
Well let me tell you ALL ITALIAN FOOD IS GOOD AND THAT"S THE PROBLEM!!!
So, as mentioned in my earlier entry, the walking has been top notch...although not at break neck speed - no high intensity but I think it has been a strong slow long cardio burn...walking has been averaging at the very least 2 hours per day and sometimes upwards of 4 plus so for the last 12 odd days that's been a strong point. The eating, as also previously mentioned, has been a bit more of a challenge...without the diet retinas of the Washinator and the Fiery Red Head (Lauren) to be on my butt, so to speak, about a food journal and balanced meals, eating every 2 hours etc etc things have gotten a bit, well OUT OF CONTROL!!!
I was making the observation over my grilled scampi and Toscana Salad (lettuce, olives, cheese, tomatoes and basil) at lunch just a few short hours ago that eating in Italy is a very different experience... when at home, eating is a bit of an obsession (at least for me it is)...when I am 'dieting' I constantly feel cranky at the perceived deprivation I am experiencing at the hands of supposed 'others'...the G-Star, Washi, Lauren etc... over here in Italia...eating is part of life not actually life itself, as is working...life is about living, enjoying and celebrating whereas, at least from my perspective, at home life becomes a constant battle...a battle for weight loss, a battle for a better job, more money, to be happier, to be skinnier, to be prettier...you get the picture. So, getting back to the story at hand, eating has been a challenge since we arrived, not in terms of eating constantly, the Italian strategy for eating is as follows:
Breakfast: very basic, some cereal (maybe), espresso (definitely) and a sweat roll (similar to croissants but not as buttery or as big) - this is at least what is on offer at the hotels...
Lunch: this can consist of a variety of things - espresso is a staple, but can include a sit down lunch...sometimes antipasto, primi piatti (first plate), secondi piatti (second plate) and then if you're so inclined dolce (sweats/dessert)...lunch staples can include pizza, pannini with mozzarella e prosciutto, lots of water (natural or frizzante) or could be a pasta (with carne/meat or pesce (seafood/fish)...
Dinner: looks a lot like lunch but is done is a far more relaxed and enjoyable (non time sensitive) manner...dinner can take upwards of 3 hours with lots of Vino, talking and laughing...
Then they get up and do it all again the next day!!!
So eating, although not 'bad' if there is such a thing as 'bad' eating...has not included McDonald and I can't say I have sighted at KFC at all (thank the gods some things remain sacred in Italy!!) But it has included large portions of pizza. pasta, cheese and of course gelati...I think it inevitable that there will be some weight gain whilst on this viaggio...
Currently on the train to Bologna then off to Venice...more Italian insights to come....
Your pseudo-Italian F'Athlete
Ciao....
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Dove Vai???
That's right people...where the hell am I?? In Italia people...beautiful, thin person centric Italia and oh boy has fat little me been eating up a storm!! So, I know I've jumped ahead so where to begin, where to begin....
Well last Thursday/Friday (9/10September) our Italian viaggio began...this little trip has been about 10 years in the planning. Despite G-Star's heavy Italian origins she had never had the opportunity to travel to her homeland to visit the rels and see the sights. So, with our new attitude (including the Fat Crusades) we decided that this year was the year!!! So the planning and preparations were well underway when the first phase (Living Biggest Loser) commenced and in no small part the idea was to be svelte and fabulous prior to departure...well I've always had the fabulous people but the svelte, as we all well know, is still a glimmering beacon of fatless hope on the very distant shoreline.
So...on a 2.30AM flight to Dubai, the G-Star, Madster and I set our weary but excited eyes on the bright shores of Dubai (for our one day stop over). Being the exceptional parents that we are, we actually sent the Benji to the bright and exciting climes of Sydney to stay with relatives (long story...has a lot to do with not having the constitution to drag a 16 year old boy around churches etc for 4 weeks with the constant drone of I'm bored and are we done yet ringing in our ears!!).
Now as we all know my Fat Crusade blog is not about my wild and exciting experiences abroad NO...rather it is about one little fatty wagging war on fat and the fitness industry WORLDWIDE...and as such regaling people with tales from the continent about how (and better yet if) it is possible to travel, enjoy and live la dolce vita whilst still desperately trying to lose (or at least not gain) weight!!!
As you can no doubt appreciate almost a week has lapsed since I started this blog entry and much has happened in that time. Attempting to blog about my fatness and travel at the same time is more of a challenge than I originally anticipated but I have blocked out a good couple of hours to do justice to my fat studies abroad and regale you all with my tales of formaggio (cheese) and Vino (wine).
So, having landed in Rome and made our way to Sorrento (including Amalfi, Capri) up to Florence and across to Rimini the one factor that seems to have remained constant on my Italian Viaggio is my obsession with NOT PUTTING ON WEIGHT! Now I know that that may seem like a seemingly simple and straight forward concept but unfortunately not so simple in practice. I don't know how many of you have had the sheer unadulterated joy of travelling to Italy but to say it is magnificent, amazing, incredible, la dolce vita is, in truth a complete understatement. Added to this that the weight/fat loss and 'fitness' industry appears to have completely bypassed the Italian population it is suffice to say my fat loss crusade has come to a grinding halt for the past two odd weeks.
In spite of my best efforts the food has gotten the better of me over here...pizza, pasta, formaggio, vino etc etc. It's not that you are constantly eating but rather when you eat...YOU EAT!! Added to this the only exercise I have been getting is walking...walking tours of Rome, Walking tours of Florence, walking, walking, walking...which I am hoping in some way offsets the eating but psychologically this is a real mind f**k on me because in spite of my obsession with not gaining any weight I have been unable to show even a modicum of restraint when it comes to eating and drinking.
There is also a decided lack of gyms and personal trainers evident in any of the Italian cities. Individuals seem to be into cycling and jogging and I am sure (???) that at the more expensive hotels there may be gyms for guests but to date the hotels that we have stayed in (ranging from 3 to 4 star) have had non existent exercising facilities...there was a pool in Sorrento but given it was about 20*below there wasn't much slow burn cardio going on there!
I continue to be challenged in terms of trying to by clothing...apparently in Italy no one is fat and if you are you really shouldn't show your face in public...maybe a slight over exaggeration but hey...
The young and fabulous (teens/20's) all appear to be very slim and healthy (apart from the massive numbers of Italian Ragazzi who smoke) there have been sightings of rather chubby (overweight) bambini (toddlers, little people) and the older generations (after they settle down) appear not to care all that much about their weight but rather just embrace and enjoy life.
From a fitness perspective...all I can say is thank the gay gods for the Washinator and his obscene amounts of cardio and weight training prior to our departure. G-Star and Madster have gone a bit pazzo (crazy) with the shopping side of things so the upper body strength and fitness gained through my punishments with Washi have actually proven a great assistance in lugging extremely heavy bags around the countryside.
We are having a relaxing day here in Rimini (Wednesday 22 September) and have gone for a couple of really nice long walks (slow burn cardio - that is then off-set by the food!!) Tomorrow we are off to Venice for 4 days and then gay Paris! The hotel we are staying in in Paris is a bit more up market and I am hoping has some gym facilities so I can ease myself back in to some sort of regime prior to my return to Australian shores.
The more we travel around Italy the more convinced I am becoming that 'fatness' really is a global issue but if and how cultures deal with it appears to be incredibly different...
Anyhow, I am not all that confident that I will have good news for you people when I get on the death dealers back in Brisbane once we return...however, never fear because the fat crusade will continue...
Your Italian F'Athlete
Ciao!!!
Well last Thursday/Friday (9/10September) our Italian viaggio began...this little trip has been about 10 years in the planning. Despite G-Star's heavy Italian origins she had never had the opportunity to travel to her homeland to visit the rels and see the sights. So, with our new attitude (including the Fat Crusades) we decided that this year was the year!!! So the planning and preparations were well underway when the first phase (Living Biggest Loser) commenced and in no small part the idea was to be svelte and fabulous prior to departure...well I've always had the fabulous people but the svelte, as we all well know, is still a glimmering beacon of fatless hope on the very distant shoreline.
So...on a 2.30AM flight to Dubai, the G-Star, Madster and I set our weary but excited eyes on the bright shores of Dubai (for our one day stop over). Being the exceptional parents that we are, we actually sent the Benji to the bright and exciting climes of Sydney to stay with relatives (long story...has a lot to do with not having the constitution to drag a 16 year old boy around churches etc for 4 weeks with the constant drone of I'm bored and are we done yet ringing in our ears!!).
Now as we all know my Fat Crusade blog is not about my wild and exciting experiences abroad NO...rather it is about one little fatty wagging war on fat and the fitness industry WORLDWIDE...and as such regaling people with tales from the continent about how (and better yet if) it is possible to travel, enjoy and live la dolce vita whilst still desperately trying to lose (or at least not gain) weight!!!
As you can no doubt appreciate almost a week has lapsed since I started this blog entry and much has happened in that time. Attempting to blog about my fatness and travel at the same time is more of a challenge than I originally anticipated but I have blocked out a good couple of hours to do justice to my fat studies abroad and regale you all with my tales of formaggio (cheese) and Vino (wine).
So, having landed in Rome and made our way to Sorrento (including Amalfi, Capri) up to Florence and across to Rimini the one factor that seems to have remained constant on my Italian Viaggio is my obsession with NOT PUTTING ON WEIGHT! Now I know that that may seem like a seemingly simple and straight forward concept but unfortunately not so simple in practice. I don't know how many of you have had the sheer unadulterated joy of travelling to Italy but to say it is magnificent, amazing, incredible, la dolce vita is, in truth a complete understatement. Added to this that the weight/fat loss and 'fitness' industry appears to have completely bypassed the Italian population it is suffice to say my fat loss crusade has come to a grinding halt for the past two odd weeks.
In spite of my best efforts the food has gotten the better of me over here...pizza, pasta, formaggio, vino etc etc. It's not that you are constantly eating but rather when you eat...YOU EAT!! Added to this the only exercise I have been getting is walking...walking tours of Rome, Walking tours of Florence, walking, walking, walking...which I am hoping in some way offsets the eating but psychologically this is a real mind f**k on me because in spite of my obsession with not gaining any weight I have been unable to show even a modicum of restraint when it comes to eating and drinking.
There is also a decided lack of gyms and personal trainers evident in any of the Italian cities. Individuals seem to be into cycling and jogging and I am sure (???) that at the more expensive hotels there may be gyms for guests but to date the hotels that we have stayed in (ranging from 3 to 4 star) have had non existent exercising facilities...there was a pool in Sorrento but given it was about 20*below there wasn't much slow burn cardio going on there!
I continue to be challenged in terms of trying to by clothing...apparently in Italy no one is fat and if you are you really shouldn't show your face in public...maybe a slight over exaggeration but hey...
The young and fabulous (teens/20's) all appear to be very slim and healthy (apart from the massive numbers of Italian Ragazzi who smoke) there have been sightings of rather chubby (overweight) bambini (toddlers, little people) and the older generations (after they settle down) appear not to care all that much about their weight but rather just embrace and enjoy life.
From a fitness perspective...all I can say is thank the gay gods for the Washinator and his obscene amounts of cardio and weight training prior to our departure. G-Star and Madster have gone a bit pazzo (crazy) with the shopping side of things so the upper body strength and fitness gained through my punishments with Washi have actually proven a great assistance in lugging extremely heavy bags around the countryside.
We are having a relaxing day here in Rimini (Wednesday 22 September) and have gone for a couple of really nice long walks (slow burn cardio - that is then off-set by the food!!) Tomorrow we are off to Venice for 4 days and then gay Paris! The hotel we are staying in in Paris is a bit more up market and I am hoping has some gym facilities so I can ease myself back in to some sort of regime prior to my return to Australian shores.
The more we travel around Italy the more convinced I am becoming that 'fatness' really is a global issue but if and how cultures deal with it appears to be incredibly different...
Anyhow, I am not all that confident that I will have good news for you people when I get on the death dealers back in Brisbane once we return...however, never fear because the fat crusade will continue...
Your Italian F'Athlete
Ciao!!!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
As Janet Jackson so eloquently put it...I'm in CONTROL
So, after many weeks of screaming 'WHY' from the rooftops or at least from the privacy of my suburban bedroom I had (yet another) epiphany on my morning torture test with the Washinator...it really is time to take control of this (fat) situation and get informed as to the why's, wherefores and roundabouts of weight loss for a person with no functioning thyroid, who takes synthetic hormones in order to function and how (if at all) this has or has not been adversely affecting my fat loss attempts!! We can safely say 'Houston I think we have a problem...' After 16 weeks of between 2-4 hours exercise 5-6 days per week, a low calorie diet, lots of whining, whingeing and waddling we are STILL stuck at the same place - that is fluctuating between 99.9 and 100.6kg...and to be perfectly honest...It's getting kinda boring!
So, breaking it down to the very basics...exercise is good, intensity (thanks to the Washinator) is excruciating, food (although there is some minor fluctuations) has been for the most part...good...so checking all the calorie in/calorie out boxes and what is the result? Still FAT!!
I am thinking there may be a little more to our/my FAT problem than at first meets the eye...
With the Spring/Autumn (depending what hemisphere you happen to reside in) sojourn just around the corner I have decided I really need to look at the current lack of weight loss + crap body + medication +++ in a bit of a different light.
Have been trawling the Internet (is there any other way) for information, direction, assistance etc...looked through the American Thyroid Association website (www.thyroid.org) which gave some decent background/rudimentary information but am still searching for something more...don't get me wrong, I am not looking for the magic pill or quick fix option...as an intelligent person and with the fiasco of Living Biggest Loser as my starting point I think we can all safely assume that the next 40kg is going to be neither quick nor easy but I need something that will address what is so evidently a lack of metabolic functioning in my fat little body! Anyone with suggestions out there that might be able to help???
Hi Ho, the day petered out like most of the others at the moment...did have a great dinner out with the Washinator and the Beautiful Ari (the Ho to my Mo)...and did wake up with a hangover after a single beer...PATH...ET....IC!!!!!!
Life is in somewhat of a holding pattern at the moment with everyone in the household a little excited due to the Italian sojourn that is really now, just mere days away.
That said...the Washinator is determined to extract every last bit of fat sweat out of me prior to our departure and just 'popped' in on Friday night to lock in the training times for the last four days prior to our departure....aren't I lucky???
So all in all, in spite of my ramblings, life continues along my little fat path with very little movement on the death dealers and certainly no movement in the size 18 on a good day clothing...
The crusade continues (and very soon will be continuing on another continent people!!)
Your F'Athlete
So, breaking it down to the very basics...exercise is good, intensity (thanks to the Washinator) is excruciating, food (although there is some minor fluctuations) has been for the most part...good...so checking all the calorie in/calorie out boxes and what is the result? Still FAT!!
I am thinking there may be a little more to our/my FAT problem than at first meets the eye...
With the Spring/Autumn (depending what hemisphere you happen to reside in) sojourn just around the corner I have decided I really need to look at the current lack of weight loss + crap body + medication +++ in a bit of a different light.
Have been trawling the Internet (is there any other way) for information, direction, assistance etc...looked through the American Thyroid Association website (www.thyroid.org) which gave some decent background/rudimentary information but am still searching for something more...don't get me wrong, I am not looking for the magic pill or quick fix option...as an intelligent person and with the fiasco of Living Biggest Loser as my starting point I think we can all safely assume that the next 40kg is going to be neither quick nor easy but I need something that will address what is so evidently a lack of metabolic functioning in my fat little body! Anyone with suggestions out there that might be able to help???
Hi Ho, the day petered out like most of the others at the moment...did have a great dinner out with the Washinator and the Beautiful Ari (the Ho to my Mo)...and did wake up with a hangover after a single beer...PATH...ET....IC!!!!!!
Life is in somewhat of a holding pattern at the moment with everyone in the household a little excited due to the Italian sojourn that is really now, just mere days away.
That said...the Washinator is determined to extract every last bit of fat sweat out of me prior to our departure and just 'popped' in on Friday night to lock in the training times for the last four days prior to our departure....aren't I lucky???
So all in all, in spite of my ramblings, life continues along my little fat path with very little movement on the death dealers and certainly no movement in the size 18 on a good day clothing...
The crusade continues (and very soon will be continuing on another continent people!!)
Your F'Athlete
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Waddling through the Bullshit
OK so when we last left of on the 'unmitigated' Living Biggest Loser disaster, all traces of my existence had been removed from Satan's Lair and I had been AWOL for over a week with some rare stomach condition which rendered me useless, senseless, effortless and Yes one could say ANGRY...
Following the human pin cushion debacle of 2010 I realised it was time to stop waddling through my own self pity and roll back onto that hideous creature known as exercise...so I called out the big guns... THE WASHINATOR (the website may have changed but the faces are still the same).
Washi felt I needed some debriefing and fresh air to clear the cobwebs so with my Fat Army Crusaders in tow plus the extra resistance training capacity of Claude and Vincent (our Silky Terrorists) we headed off for a morning power walk through the following suburbs...The Grange, Wilston, Wooloowin and Toombul - then back again. And as despised and vile as the words taste on my ever chubby cheeks and tongue...it was....fun... God kill me now has exercise actually become part of my everyday life in order for me to feel good...perish the thought!
So an hour and a half of decent (slow burn) cardio crunch and the day/week has officially started...and as the Washinator so eloquently puts it... Do It for Boodah! And to be honest I cant think of a more appropriate recipient and patron 'saint' for my fat little self than a chubby, happy little man who obviously was NOT concerned about HIS weight problem!!! So from here on in people...We are DOING IT FOR BOODAH...and of course my Fat Little Self!
Fight the good Fat Fight People and Do IT for Boodah
Your F'Athlete - Fit Fat Crusader and Member of the DoingitforBoodah Army
Following the human pin cushion debacle of 2010 I realised it was time to stop waddling through my own self pity and roll back onto that hideous creature known as exercise...so I called out the big guns... THE WASHINATOR (the website may have changed but the faces are still the same).
Washi felt I needed some debriefing and fresh air to clear the cobwebs so with my Fat Army Crusaders in tow plus the extra resistance training capacity of Claude and Vincent (our Silky Terrorists) we headed off for a morning power walk through the following suburbs...The Grange, Wilston, Wooloowin and Toombul - then back again. And as despised and vile as the words taste on my ever chubby cheeks and tongue...it was....fun... God kill me now has exercise actually become part of my everyday life in order for me to feel good...perish the thought!
So an hour and a half of decent (slow burn) cardio crunch and the day/week has officially started...and as the Washinator so eloquently puts it... Do It for Boodah! And to be honest I cant think of a more appropriate recipient and patron 'saint' for my fat little self than a chubby, happy little man who obviously was NOT concerned about HIS weight problem!!! So from here on in people...We are DOING IT FOR BOODAH...and of course my Fat Little Self!
Fight the good Fat Fight People and Do IT for Boodah
Your F'Athlete - Fit Fat Crusader and Member of the DoingitforBoodah Army
Monday, August 30, 2010
Fancifully Numb
One of the 'joys' of being a FAT person continues to be the constant battle (no not with discrimination...but I can assure you we will be getting to that) but with the associated health issues that have been shown to be attached to carrying the extra kilos...namely Type 2 Diabetes / Glucose Intolerance aka a shitty pancreas!!
For the last 7 plus years (thanks in large part to my ample girth) I have been walking the tenuous line of pre-diabetes. This combined with the no thyroid and no uterus renders most of my bits completely useless for my organ donation card but, what they hey...
Anyhoo, so today it was off for another Fasting Glucose Tolerance Test - the joyful experience of being stabbed three times in two hours and having to drink 300ml of green slime in order to tell whether or not my recent efforts at fat loss have indeed had any impact on my otherwise decrepit pancreas and its lack of proper functioning...to this end, the title of my current posting goes some way to informing you all as to my current state of 'feeling' or lack there of....namely I look like a pin cushion, am cranky and am pondering that age old question of whether or not there is actually any organisation IN THE WORLD that actually sees customer service as a GOOD THING...
OK, why my ramblings have taken this turn you may well ask...and of course you know I am going to tell you...for those of you who have been fortunate enough to avoid the 'joys' of a FGTT you may be unaware that it is a little bit of a drawn out process...basically it's a fasting test (hence its name) so for 12 hours prior to the test begins...no food fatty! Then you have a sample of blood drawn, you have 5 minutes to drink a carbonated green sludge drink, wait an hour in a collection centre the size of a shoebox listening to the comings and goings, bodily functions, complaints, sex life, love life, work life...just life of the 'collection centre' staff, get more blood taken at the 1 hour point, sit back out in the cupboard waiting area for another hour, listen to more 'other people's problems - you down with OPP' sorry I digress with my white fat chick rapping and then at the 2 hour mark you have another suctioning of blood and are finally released into the 'world' a human pin cushion, numb with the senseless rambling of people you don't know and quite frankly couldn't give a shit about still echoing in you now completely food deprived brain!
On top of that I experienced this morning (in no particular order)...being called a man (one of the intelligent collection staff decided it would be really smart to make the observation that all the people waiting in the room for blood tests were men...I may not have a uterus but I can assure you, I am ALL WOMAN!), being told to 'sit down and wait ya turn....DON'T TAKE A NUMBER JUST SIT!!' from two rooms away whilst (I can only assume) some other poor victim was being butchered for their blood, been told my veins don't really 'work for them' and then being stabbed twice in the hand whilst still not finding a viable vein, being told 'if I HAVE to wee can I hurry up!!'...this is just a little snip-it of the morning I have just had on a completely empty stomach...suffice to say I think I will try another collection centre in the future!!
Anyhoo, am now enjoying a morning brunch at my favourite hang out - Symposium with the lovely boys (Ryan, Ben and Pauli) - have just had perfectly cooked boiled eggs (with a treat of grilled haloumi...I fucking deserve it people - that's right we are back to rewarding efforts with food...more about that later - after several long sessions with the Shrink, I am sure) and savouring the perfect half strength skinny latte in a mug.
I have also been devising a bit of a plan for the 'Waging War' Project I have embarked upon with the 'fitness' industry or should that be 'fatness industry' (all suggestions, recommendations and comical relief from followers will be warmly welcomed!)
I will be visiting my illustrious Endocrinologist next Monday and will publish the results of the farce that was this Monday morning...he may even provide some comic relief with comments etc...food for thought.
Any who, feedback, comments, input will be warmly welcomed and rest assured you will all be along for the ride as my Fat Campaign continues to percolate and formulate over the next few days...
Until then...fight the good fat fit fight
Your F'Athlete - Fit Fat Crusader
For the last 7 plus years (thanks in large part to my ample girth) I have been walking the tenuous line of pre-diabetes. This combined with the no thyroid and no uterus renders most of my bits completely useless for my organ donation card but, what they hey...
Anyhoo, so today it was off for another Fasting Glucose Tolerance Test - the joyful experience of being stabbed three times in two hours and having to drink 300ml of green slime in order to tell whether or not my recent efforts at fat loss have indeed had any impact on my otherwise decrepit pancreas and its lack of proper functioning...to this end, the title of my current posting goes some way to informing you all as to my current state of 'feeling' or lack there of....namely I look like a pin cushion, am cranky and am pondering that age old question of whether or not there is actually any organisation IN THE WORLD that actually sees customer service as a GOOD THING...
OK, why my ramblings have taken this turn you may well ask...and of course you know I am going to tell you...for those of you who have been fortunate enough to avoid the 'joys' of a FGTT you may be unaware that it is a little bit of a drawn out process...basically it's a fasting test (hence its name) so for 12 hours prior to the test begins...no food fatty! Then you have a sample of blood drawn, you have 5 minutes to drink a carbonated green sludge drink, wait an hour in a collection centre the size of a shoebox listening to the comings and goings, bodily functions, complaints, sex life, love life, work life...just life of the 'collection centre' staff, get more blood taken at the 1 hour point, sit back out in the cupboard waiting area for another hour, listen to more 'other people's problems - you down with OPP' sorry I digress with my white fat chick rapping and then at the 2 hour mark you have another suctioning of blood and are finally released into the 'world' a human pin cushion, numb with the senseless rambling of people you don't know and quite frankly couldn't give a shit about still echoing in you now completely food deprived brain!
On top of that I experienced this morning (in no particular order)...being called a man (one of the intelligent collection staff decided it would be really smart to make the observation that all the people waiting in the room for blood tests were men...I may not have a uterus but I can assure you, I am ALL WOMAN!), being told to 'sit down and wait ya turn....DON'T TAKE A NUMBER JUST SIT!!' from two rooms away whilst (I can only assume) some other poor victim was being butchered for their blood, been told my veins don't really 'work for them' and then being stabbed twice in the hand whilst still not finding a viable vein, being told 'if I HAVE to wee can I hurry up!!'...this is just a little snip-it of the morning I have just had on a completely empty stomach...suffice to say I think I will try another collection centre in the future!!
Anyhoo, am now enjoying a morning brunch at my favourite hang out - Symposium with the lovely boys (Ryan, Ben and Pauli) - have just had perfectly cooked boiled eggs (with a treat of grilled haloumi...I fucking deserve it people - that's right we are back to rewarding efforts with food...more about that later - after several long sessions with the Shrink, I am sure) and savouring the perfect half strength skinny latte in a mug.
I have also been devising a bit of a plan for the 'Waging War' Project I have embarked upon with the 'fitness' industry or should that be 'fatness industry' (all suggestions, recommendations and comical relief from followers will be warmly welcomed!)
I will be visiting my illustrious Endocrinologist next Monday and will publish the results of the farce that was this Monday morning...he may even provide some comic relief with comments etc...food for thought.
Any who, feedback, comments, input will be warmly welcomed and rest assured you will all be along for the ride as my Fat Campaign continues to percolate and formulate over the next few days...
Until then...fight the good fat fit fight
Your F'Athlete - Fit Fat Crusader
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Fatness Within
A fire has been raging in my little fat belly for about a week now and it is high fat time it was unleashed on the unsuspecting public!! I'm pissed, I'm fat and now I'm really angry. Four months ago I embarked on a social experiment in fat loss biggest loser style...in spite of my head telling me that this was a futile path to commence down, my heart wished beyond all get out that the 'entertainment' that is the Biggest Loser wasn't some fantasy created for the viewing public pleasure but rather a realistic, achievable weight loss program that would see me dropping 40+ kilos in a mere 16 weeks.
In spite of the fact that I don't have a thyroid (or uterus for that matter), the fact that my metabolism is controlled by artificial substances, the fact that I have been overweight/obese my entire adult life, the fact that...well I HATE EXERCISE...I just knew that if I gave it my best little fat shot I would do what the 'contestants' on the Biggest Loser could do...I could lose massive amounts of weight in a very limited time....and guess what....
I FAILED...and this week my failure has been made even more public with the preemptive removal of my fat shrine from my 'supportive' gym due to the fact that it was determined by people (other than myself and certainly not in consultation with me) that my weight loss failure over the past 16 weeks meant that the 'support' provided by the fit and fabulous industry would be withdrawn and all signs of me removed without further consultation or discussion.
This is probably a pertinent time to mention that the fit and fabulous facility that I had approached to 'support' me through my experiment did so at absolutely no financial cost to them rather I have paid for every aspect of my 'assistance' from the fitness industry from the $17.95 per week for gym membership to the ridiculous $42.50 per session for '30minutes' 'personal' training, 6 times a week for 12 weeks from a former grocery salesman. Yes people, I AM PISSED...and to add insult to injury, for whatever reason, I am still FAT!!! Apparently, according to recent 'gym' scuttlebut my 'apparently monumental failure' of losing 13+ kilos over 16 weeks was going to have an adverse effect on gym membership at the club for 'everybody' and as such, I had to go...or at least my fat shrine and any traces of my perceived fit and fabulous bench marked failure were to disappear...another fat person not suitable to the incredibly high 'standards' of the fit and fabulous gym/fitness industry!!!
This has sparked a fire in my fatness within...a crusade so to speak to expose the underside of an unregulated industry that does absolutely nothing to assist fat people with the challenge they face to lose weight and get healthy.
I need to caveat my ramblings with a few clauses:
Clause One: I love and will continue to love the Washinator who along with a rare few other individuals (Graham, Treva, Jess, Janet, Jason, Sally, Sharif) are the exception to the fitness industry rule - they are committed, compassionate and focused on actually providing services, support and encouragement for the fatties who are giving their all to improve their health and wellbeing!
Clause Two: I am and will be committed to my own fat/weight loss and improved health as I progress through this on-going social experiment
Clause Three: I love with all my heart and soul the G-Star, the Madster and Benji for their on-going, continuous and sometimes conditional support and encouragement
Clause Four: I need you my supporters and followers to join the cause, to spread the word and to encourage as many people as possible to join my blog, follow my dramas and contribute their own stories about an industry that really has absolutely nothing to do with overweight or obese people but is only about the fit and fabulous.
Over the next few weeks we are going to travel, train and experience weight loss on a global scale, together we are going to journey to other parts of the globe and investigate the ways in which different cultures and societies approach weight loss and even more importantly fat people. We are going to blog about it, discuss it, deconstruct it and by gods we are going to come up with better ways to help the fat and fabulous of us who want to get healthy!!
I am on my soap box people and I am not getting down until we effect some positive change for all the fatties in the world who are shunned, frightened, humiliated and discriminated against by a 'fitness' industry that is actually supposed to help them...
Let's go people...put on your fatness capes and take the leap...let's watch the fat fly!!
Yours in fitfatness
F'Athlete - the Fit Fat Crusader
In spite of the fact that I don't have a thyroid (or uterus for that matter), the fact that my metabolism is controlled by artificial substances, the fact that I have been overweight/obese my entire adult life, the fact that...well I HATE EXERCISE...I just knew that if I gave it my best little fat shot I would do what the 'contestants' on the Biggest Loser could do...I could lose massive amounts of weight in a very limited time....and guess what....
I FAILED...and this week my failure has been made even more public with the preemptive removal of my fat shrine from my 'supportive' gym due to the fact that it was determined by people (other than myself and certainly not in consultation with me) that my weight loss failure over the past 16 weeks meant that the 'support' provided by the fit and fabulous industry would be withdrawn and all signs of me removed without further consultation or discussion.
This is probably a pertinent time to mention that the fit and fabulous facility that I had approached to 'support' me through my experiment did so at absolutely no financial cost to them rather I have paid for every aspect of my 'assistance' from the fitness industry from the $17.95 per week for gym membership to the ridiculous $42.50 per session for '30minutes' 'personal' training, 6 times a week for 12 weeks from a former grocery salesman. Yes people, I AM PISSED...and to add insult to injury, for whatever reason, I am still FAT!!! Apparently, according to recent 'gym' scuttlebut my 'apparently monumental failure' of losing 13+ kilos over 16 weeks was going to have an adverse effect on gym membership at the club for 'everybody' and as such, I had to go...or at least my fat shrine and any traces of my perceived fit and fabulous bench marked failure were to disappear...another fat person not suitable to the incredibly high 'standards' of the fit and fabulous gym/fitness industry!!!
This has sparked a fire in my fatness within...a crusade so to speak to expose the underside of an unregulated industry that does absolutely nothing to assist fat people with the challenge they face to lose weight and get healthy.
I need to caveat my ramblings with a few clauses:
Clause One: I love and will continue to love the Washinator who along with a rare few other individuals (Graham, Treva, Jess, Janet, Jason, Sally, Sharif) are the exception to the fitness industry rule - they are committed, compassionate and focused on actually providing services, support and encouragement for the fatties who are giving their all to improve their health and wellbeing!
Clause Two: I am and will be committed to my own fat/weight loss and improved health as I progress through this on-going social experiment
Clause Three: I love with all my heart and soul the G-Star, the Madster and Benji for their on-going, continuous and sometimes conditional support and encouragement
Clause Four: I need you my supporters and followers to join the cause, to spread the word and to encourage as many people as possible to join my blog, follow my dramas and contribute their own stories about an industry that really has absolutely nothing to do with overweight or obese people but is only about the fit and fabulous.
Over the next few weeks we are going to travel, train and experience weight loss on a global scale, together we are going to journey to other parts of the globe and investigate the ways in which different cultures and societies approach weight loss and even more importantly fat people. We are going to blog about it, discuss it, deconstruct it and by gods we are going to come up with better ways to help the fat and fabulous of us who want to get healthy!!
I am on my soap box people and I am not getting down until we effect some positive change for all the fatties in the world who are shunned, frightened, humiliated and discriminated against by a 'fitness' industry that is actually supposed to help them...
Let's go people...put on your fatness capes and take the leap...let's watch the fat fly!!
Yours in fitfatness
F'Athlete - the Fit Fat Crusader
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Over before it began...
Apparently, unbeknown to me, in my absence (due to vile stomach flu this week) my Biggest Loser 'journey' has come to an end....or at least in terms of public humiliation and dignity stripping. My trusty little support network headed down to Satan's Lair this morning to be confronted with....nothing....that's right...nothing. Apparently advertising a fat person attempting to lose weight (and failing dismally) is not the target market of a national gym network! Of course I am just hypothesising here...no one has bothered to tell me why my fat shrine has been removed and let's face it, I wasn't the greatest advertisement of success but a phone call or e-mail would have been kinda nice!
So my failure it would appear is now complete.... no fat shrine, no fat loss (have been sitting at 99.4kg for the last two weeks), no passion, no drive just no, no, no...
Which brings us to the fact that was loudly and clearly enunciated by the G-Star this morning during yet another 'heated' one sided discussion (of course I simply don't respond) about completing what I started...conclusion...
I'm a gunna....no that's not a rank in the army, navy or air force...it's a state of mind and being...its a gunna....for clarity its the I'm gunna lose weight, I'm gunna fly to the moon using my fat a fuel, I'm gunna...
The last 16 weeks have been a waste...don't stop reading people this is not an entry of woe and fat but rather an entry of self reflection and self realisation...
Back to the last 16 weeks from woe to go I have not done this properly...I have not in any stretch of the imagination Lived the Biggest Loser...I've skirted around the edges...I've whined, whinnied and waddled my way through what could only be described as a lac lustre effort at fat loss biggest loser style. I have been pulled, prodded, platituded, promised, punished from here to still fat and haven't even come close to achieving what I set out to do...
I've let other people (apparently more qualified than myself) direct, instruct and deconstruct my original plan...to live biggest loser...and in the end I have failed. I have become so confused with this information, that information, no information, too much information...as Bob Harper so eloquently put it when screaming at Joelle...words, words, words...all I hear is fucking words...just shut the fuck up!!!
And now, with our spring/autumn sojourn a mere 14 days away, we can safely say that this attempted experiment is A BUST!!!
I have been contemplating this for the last few weeks, getting more and more frustrated at my lack lustre efforts and pitiful weight loss and today, like a tub of lard out of the blue it has struck me...it's time to take control of this again and do what I want to do...this is my fat body, my fat life, my fat experiment and gods damn it...I'm running this show. The removal of my fat shrine was just the last straw...Living Biggest Loser the first trial is officially DONE!!!
Now I really don't want everyone (namely the G-Star) flying into a fit of rage and lecturing me for the next 20 years about my lack of follow through, lack of commitment, lack of well everything!! I have come to the conclusion that I have gone about this all wrong and it's time to change the game plan....
So, my trusty readers/followers this is going to be my last entry of Living Biggest Loser - Trial Phase One....we are all agreed that it has not been a success. But never fear....the I'm gunna in me is NOT going to win!!! I still have masses of fat to lose people and by gods I am going to lose it on my terms playing my game!!
So, during my Spring/Autumn sojourn I will do my level best not to put on any weight...when we return in early October a new fat phoenix is going to rise from the lard and we are going to do this people and we are going to do this right...everything up until now has been a test...from October THIS IS NOT A TEST!!!
We are going to start again people and we are going to run this game properly...Biggest Loser Style...we are going to get input from the creators of Biggest Loser, we are going to train biggest loser, live, breathe, sleep, eat etc etc Biggest Loser...not the half arsed attempt I have made thus far...it's a clean slate people....I'm still fat, I still have 40+ kilograms to lose and I am still going to entertain you all while I am doing it.
The new blog will be bigger, better, more visual just MORE....
So, I will be contacting all my followers with the re-direct in a couple of weeks...I will be calling on you all to spread the word far and wide to as many of your friends, family and contacts as possible...together we are going to take my fat humiliation to a whole new global level and we are truly going to LIVE BIGGEST LOSER!!!
Until then my ever fatful followers....until then...
So my failure it would appear is now complete.... no fat shrine, no fat loss (have been sitting at 99.4kg for the last two weeks), no passion, no drive just no, no, no...
Which brings us to the fact that was loudly and clearly enunciated by the G-Star this morning during yet another 'heated' one sided discussion (of course I simply don't respond) about completing what I started...conclusion...
I'm a gunna....no that's not a rank in the army, navy or air force...it's a state of mind and being...its a gunna....for clarity its the I'm gunna lose weight, I'm gunna fly to the moon using my fat a fuel, I'm gunna...
The last 16 weeks have been a waste...don't stop reading people this is not an entry of woe and fat but rather an entry of self reflection and self realisation...
Back to the last 16 weeks from woe to go I have not done this properly...I have not in any stretch of the imagination Lived the Biggest Loser...I've skirted around the edges...I've whined, whinnied and waddled my way through what could only be described as a lac lustre effort at fat loss biggest loser style. I have been pulled, prodded, platituded, promised, punished from here to still fat and haven't even come close to achieving what I set out to do...
I've let other people (apparently more qualified than myself) direct, instruct and deconstruct my original plan...to live biggest loser...and in the end I have failed. I have become so confused with this information, that information, no information, too much information...as Bob Harper so eloquently put it when screaming at Joelle...words, words, words...all I hear is fucking words...just shut the fuck up!!!
And now, with our spring/autumn sojourn a mere 14 days away, we can safely say that this attempted experiment is A BUST!!!
I have been contemplating this for the last few weeks, getting more and more frustrated at my lack lustre efforts and pitiful weight loss and today, like a tub of lard out of the blue it has struck me...it's time to take control of this again and do what I want to do...this is my fat body, my fat life, my fat experiment and gods damn it...I'm running this show. The removal of my fat shrine was just the last straw...Living Biggest Loser the first trial is officially DONE!!!
Now I really don't want everyone (namely the G-Star) flying into a fit of rage and lecturing me for the next 20 years about my lack of follow through, lack of commitment, lack of well everything!! I have come to the conclusion that I have gone about this all wrong and it's time to change the game plan....
So, my trusty readers/followers this is going to be my last entry of Living Biggest Loser - Trial Phase One....we are all agreed that it has not been a success. But never fear....the I'm gunna in me is NOT going to win!!! I still have masses of fat to lose people and by gods I am going to lose it on my terms playing my game!!
So, during my Spring/Autumn sojourn I will do my level best not to put on any weight...when we return in early October a new fat phoenix is going to rise from the lard and we are going to do this people and we are going to do this right...everything up until now has been a test...from October THIS IS NOT A TEST!!!
We are going to start again people and we are going to run this game properly...Biggest Loser Style...we are going to get input from the creators of Biggest Loser, we are going to train biggest loser, live, breathe, sleep, eat etc etc Biggest Loser...not the half arsed attempt I have made thus far...it's a clean slate people....I'm still fat, I still have 40+ kilograms to lose and I am still going to entertain you all while I am doing it.
The new blog will be bigger, better, more visual just MORE....
So, I will be contacting all my followers with the re-direct in a couple of weeks...I will be calling on you all to spread the word far and wide to as many of your friends, family and contacts as possible...together we are going to take my fat humiliation to a whole new global level and we are truly going to LIVE BIGGEST LOSER!!!
Until then my ever fatful followers....until then...
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Week 14 - Monday 9 - Saturday 14 August
Rather than attempt and fail to fill in the week that has just past with daily entries I have decided to take the cheats route and cram a week's worth of torture in to one 'entertaining' entry...to whit you get week 14 from go to woe....now....
So following the abysmal weigh in result...the worst gain I have had to date I think it is safe to say...I did what I always do and went into Uber Psycho mode (I must, I must, I must decrease this bust or something along those lines) so Monday was the kick off point to a 'BIG' week (at least big in my head) and we all know where these grandiose ideas get little fat me....curled in a puddle of my own sweat, rocking back and forth and sucking my still chubby thumb...but it's not about the destination people it's about the journey...so waddling back to the beginning...
As was established the previous week...mornings are now cardio with Washi something no one in their right mind looks forward to but as we have established over the past 13 weeks I am certainly NOT in my right mind...so the Washinator's 'plan' is to have me 'burning' upwards of 800 calories is our morning cardio tortures and he appears to have given an inordinate amount of thought as to how to attain this...the Dreadmill appears to be a major partner in this arrangement as does running for longer periods of time at a slower pace...possibly a good time to mention that running at 6.8km/h for 7 mins and running at 12km/h for 30 secs IS STILL RUNNING AND IT SUCKS!! Particularly for a continuing little heffer like me! Anyway after an inordinate amount of 'running' the day also included a PT session with weights.
This was pretty much how each day panned out...cardio, PT/Weights, more cardio etc etc...no one ever said fat loss was interesting! Unfortunately in spite of my somewhat moderate efforts at Satan's Lair my food continues to be my Achilles Heel so to speak and this again let me down for the week that was...a few Vita Wheat blow outs, not eating regularly enough, not eating enough of the things I am supposed to amounted to an interesting session with the Firecracker Nugent on Friday.
Apparently my food diary is one of the more entertaining narratives Lauren has received in her dietitian practice...crap at losing weight but can certainly spin a decent tale about it!!
G-Star and the Madster also came under fire (from my direction) this week with a 'I'm not good with being deprived' argument on Wednesday night. So possibly it could be somewhat interesting to delve a little deeper in to this concept of DEPRIVATION...
As a fat person I seem to have an inordinate focus on...well...FOOD! Truth be told it's the fundamental reason for my fatness. As they say on the foxtel cooking channel...
"I LOVE FOOD!!"
Therefore if there is one thing that really pushes my buttons in a really bad way it is the thought, the whiff, the insinuation, even the suggestion of not being 'allowed' to eat something I want to eat...now let's look at that statement again...that's right I said what I WANT to eat...not what I need to eat...not what I should eat but rather WHAT I WANT TO EAT!
Even the mere idea of not being able to eat what and when I WANT to renders me a two headed screaming banshee with talons of steel, Medusa like snakes sprouting from my head and the expansion of my sizable girth to crush (with my massive weight) anyone who dares to question my food choices or eating habits...in a nutshell....It's UGLY people...U...G...L...Y
By this point in the 'game' everyone has acknowledged that my eating has been my undoing in the 'fat' loss challenge that I have set and as previously noted, to this end enter Dietitian extraordinaire Lauren Nugent...thus also enter our major mind f**k for the week...the concept of I Can't...I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want, I can't gormandise myself on 20 Vita Wheats with organic butter (mmmm butter) and Vegemite...I can't skull a litre of no fat milk with 10 teaspoons of Milo (yes people I recognise there is a contradiction in terms with that one but it works as a justification in my fat induced mind!) I can't go 6 hours without food and then sit down and binge on fat saturated and carb loaded godlike foods...well you get the picture.
So in typical Fat Person fashion I decided this week to f**k that all out the door and blame everyone else in site for my horribly deprived existence...I blamed G-Star, I certainly blamed Madster, I really blamed the Washinator, I even found ways to blame Naughty Claudie and Fat Vinny our silky terriers...about the only person that was blameless was, of course.....ME!!!
I ate breakfast, and when I say breakfast I MEAN BREAKFAST out (as in at a cafe/restaurant) about 5 out of 6 days this week, scoffed down chips, chocolate you name it I ate it...the only minuscule fat person comfort food I didn't succumb to was that glorious, grease laden, trans fat soaked food of the gods...KFC or for the more classy of my readers...Kentucky Fried Chicken...let's thank the fat Gods for small mercies shall we???
Anyway, the justification I made with my lack of commitment to food was that I was REALLY committed to my exercise this week but as we can all anticipate that was bullshit as well! Although Monday - Wednesday were average or a bit above, Thursday rocked around and there was......................................................nothing.
Cancelled cardio, cancelled tour de fat, cancelled PT just basically f**king cancelled Thursday really....I can do that you know....I'm a celebrity people!!
G-Star, Madster and Washinator were...unimpressed to say the least and inevitably this was vocalised by the G-Star in the way only she can...by yelling! She also attempted to utilise the following strategies:
1. Cajoling
2. Reasoning
3. More Yelling
4. Bribery (non food related)
5. More Yelling
6. Guilt
7. Reward and Punishment (non food related)
8. More Yelling
Well you get the picture...suffice to say the boudoir was ice, ice baby by Thursday night!
By Friday the Washinator had decided I needed to clear my head and heart and the only way to do this was by communing with nature...he really doesn't know me at all...as they say my idea of sleeping under the stars is that its a minimum of 5! Despite or perhaps in spite of my protestations of commitment and dedication the Washinator wasn't having a bar of it and with threats of stalking, abusive phone calls and grievous bodily harm it was determined that an outside/natural cardio session was called for...enter the early morning walk...
So up and out of the house a 6.15am we met on one of the local walkways and headed off at what I though was a cracking pace but according to the Washinator my pace was only marginally above that of a crawl...in spite of my histrionics for the week the G-Star and Madster cracked up at dawn as well and joined me on my morning commune...an hour or so and about 10km later we returned to where we began and we (that is me) knew that place for the first time...it was FAT!!!
Backed up for a PT session at 3pm - I think the only concession the Washinator gave me for this week was he did go rather easy on me during the 45mins (maybe I or my fat is growing on him??) and then finished the day with Stage 8 of the Tour De Fat and a new Team Da Phat member Danielle!!!
To ensure there was consistency in crap eating maintained for the week I had Pizza for dinner (once again I justify this by highlighting it was Pizza Capers 98% Fat Free Louisiana Chicken Pizza) and then off to bed.
Finally we reach the end of the week with Saturday...the only exercise achieved for today...Yoga for Beginners (which I can't say I am enjoying due to the fact that well....I'M FAT) and then shopping. The evening is set for a girls night in video night and I'm on cooking duty! Other than that the end of another hideous week is drawing to a close with little to no 'hope' of a decent result on the death dealers tomorrow...my own doing people, my own doing!
As Lauren told me on Friday...don't promise to have a perfect week because you will have failed before you even began!
So the only promise that I can make myself is to have a better week than the one just gone...
Yours in fatness
LBL
So following the abysmal weigh in result...the worst gain I have had to date I think it is safe to say...I did what I always do and went into Uber Psycho mode (I must, I must, I must decrease this bust or something along those lines) so Monday was the kick off point to a 'BIG' week (at least big in my head) and we all know where these grandiose ideas get little fat me....curled in a puddle of my own sweat, rocking back and forth and sucking my still chubby thumb...but it's not about the destination people it's about the journey...so waddling back to the beginning...
As was established the previous week...mornings are now cardio with Washi something no one in their right mind looks forward to but as we have established over the past 13 weeks I am certainly NOT in my right mind...so the Washinator's 'plan' is to have me 'burning' upwards of 800 calories is our morning cardio tortures and he appears to have given an inordinate amount of thought as to how to attain this...the Dreadmill appears to be a major partner in this arrangement as does running for longer periods of time at a slower pace...possibly a good time to mention that running at 6.8km/h for 7 mins and running at 12km/h for 30 secs IS STILL RUNNING AND IT SUCKS!! Particularly for a continuing little heffer like me! Anyway after an inordinate amount of 'running' the day also included a PT session with weights.
This was pretty much how each day panned out...cardio, PT/Weights, more cardio etc etc...no one ever said fat loss was interesting! Unfortunately in spite of my somewhat moderate efforts at Satan's Lair my food continues to be my Achilles Heel so to speak and this again let me down for the week that was...a few Vita Wheat blow outs, not eating regularly enough, not eating enough of the things I am supposed to amounted to an interesting session with the Firecracker Nugent on Friday.
Apparently my food diary is one of the more entertaining narratives Lauren has received in her dietitian practice...crap at losing weight but can certainly spin a decent tale about it!!
G-Star and the Madster also came under fire (from my direction) this week with a 'I'm not good with being deprived' argument on Wednesday night. So possibly it could be somewhat interesting to delve a little deeper in to this concept of DEPRIVATION...
As a fat person I seem to have an inordinate focus on...well...FOOD! Truth be told it's the fundamental reason for my fatness. As they say on the foxtel cooking channel...
"I LOVE FOOD!!"
Therefore if there is one thing that really pushes my buttons in a really bad way it is the thought, the whiff, the insinuation, even the suggestion of not being 'allowed' to eat something I want to eat...now let's look at that statement again...that's right I said what I WANT to eat...not what I need to eat...not what I should eat but rather WHAT I WANT TO EAT!
Even the mere idea of not being able to eat what and when I WANT to renders me a two headed screaming banshee with talons of steel, Medusa like snakes sprouting from my head and the expansion of my sizable girth to crush (with my massive weight) anyone who dares to question my food choices or eating habits...in a nutshell....It's UGLY people...U...G...L...Y
By this point in the 'game' everyone has acknowledged that my eating has been my undoing in the 'fat' loss challenge that I have set and as previously noted, to this end enter Dietitian extraordinaire Lauren Nugent...thus also enter our major mind f**k for the week...the concept of I Can't...I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want, I can't gormandise myself on 20 Vita Wheats with organic butter (mmmm butter) and Vegemite...I can't skull a litre of no fat milk with 10 teaspoons of Milo (yes people I recognise there is a contradiction in terms with that one but it works as a justification in my fat induced mind!) I can't go 6 hours without food and then sit down and binge on fat saturated and carb loaded godlike foods...well you get the picture.
So in typical Fat Person fashion I decided this week to f**k that all out the door and blame everyone else in site for my horribly deprived existence...I blamed G-Star, I certainly blamed Madster, I really blamed the Washinator, I even found ways to blame Naughty Claudie and Fat Vinny our silky terriers...about the only person that was blameless was, of course.....ME!!!
I ate breakfast, and when I say breakfast I MEAN BREAKFAST out (as in at a cafe/restaurant) about 5 out of 6 days this week, scoffed down chips, chocolate you name it I ate it...the only minuscule fat person comfort food I didn't succumb to was that glorious, grease laden, trans fat soaked food of the gods...KFC or for the more classy of my readers...Kentucky Fried Chicken...let's thank the fat Gods for small mercies shall we???
Anyway, the justification I made with my lack of commitment to food was that I was REALLY committed to my exercise this week but as we can all anticipate that was bullshit as well! Although Monday - Wednesday were average or a bit above, Thursday rocked around and there was......................................................nothing.
Cancelled cardio, cancelled tour de fat, cancelled PT just basically f**king cancelled Thursday really....I can do that you know....I'm a celebrity people!!
G-Star, Madster and Washinator were...unimpressed to say the least and inevitably this was vocalised by the G-Star in the way only she can...by yelling! She also attempted to utilise the following strategies:
1. Cajoling
2. Reasoning
3. More Yelling
4. Bribery (non food related)
5. More Yelling
6. Guilt
7. Reward and Punishment (non food related)
8. More Yelling
Well you get the picture...suffice to say the boudoir was ice, ice baby by Thursday night!
By Friday the Washinator had decided I needed to clear my head and heart and the only way to do this was by communing with nature...he really doesn't know me at all...as they say my idea of sleeping under the stars is that its a minimum of 5! Despite or perhaps in spite of my protestations of commitment and dedication the Washinator wasn't having a bar of it and with threats of stalking, abusive phone calls and grievous bodily harm it was determined that an outside/natural cardio session was called for...enter the early morning walk...
So up and out of the house a 6.15am we met on one of the local walkways and headed off at what I though was a cracking pace but according to the Washinator my pace was only marginally above that of a crawl...in spite of my histrionics for the week the G-Star and Madster cracked up at dawn as well and joined me on my morning commune...an hour or so and about 10km later we returned to where we began and we (that is me) knew that place for the first time...it was FAT!!!
Backed up for a PT session at 3pm - I think the only concession the Washinator gave me for this week was he did go rather easy on me during the 45mins (maybe I or my fat is growing on him??) and then finished the day with Stage 8 of the Tour De Fat and a new Team Da Phat member Danielle!!!
To ensure there was consistency in crap eating maintained for the week I had Pizza for dinner (once again I justify this by highlighting it was Pizza Capers 98% Fat Free Louisiana Chicken Pizza) and then off to bed.
Finally we reach the end of the week with Saturday...the only exercise achieved for today...Yoga for Beginners (which I can't say I am enjoying due to the fact that well....I'M FAT) and then shopping. The evening is set for a girls night in video night and I'm on cooking duty! Other than that the end of another hideous week is drawing to a close with little to no 'hope' of a decent result on the death dealers tomorrow...my own doing people, my own doing!
As Lauren told me on Friday...don't promise to have a perfect week because you will have failed before you even began!
So the only promise that I can make myself is to have a better week than the one just gone...
Yours in fatness
LBL
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Week 13 - Weigh In - Sunday 8 August
I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time apologising to my followers and rightly so...I am a crap fat guru and even worse I appear to be crap at weight/fat loss...no this is not going to be another oh fat woe is me entry but rather a reality check...I am crap at fat loss!!
Now I recognise that none of us were expecting a big number on the death dealers this week given the 're-setting' of my crap metabolism but none of us were anticipating crap on this scale!!! And when I say crap people I MEAN CRAP...
100.6kg - gee that came as a surprise...none of us thought the 100's were gone from my life...I know I didn't!!! That's a WEIGHT GAIN of 900grams or 0.9kg almost a whole kilogram people!! I don't think CRAP does a catastrophe of this magnitude justice this is F***KING S**T!!!
I have now gotten soooo embarrassed by my lack of achievement that I refuse to write up my lack of achievement on my fat shrine at Satan's Lair! In addition to this, I haven't even written it up on my fat shrine at home!
So, we know that the Australian Competition is drawing to a close and I have successfully achieved nothing in terms of that game...but for shits and giggles and further humiliation we'll put the data up:
Australian Comp:
At this point I would like to proffer a hypothesis on the Biggest Loser Australia Format and it relates to the point at which you are booted from 'the game'...thus setting fat people up for continued personal failure at home! If you look at the above stats the people eliminated early on in the game (the Romi's, Allan's) lost only marginally more than I have in the 13 weeks of 'competition' thus leading to the conclusion that there is something that appears to be unable to be replicated in the 'outside' world...probably that pescy little inconvenience called life but we'll get to that later.
Now I haven't done the stats for the US series as yet because we haven't finished the competition but I think we will find that the US structure lends itself more fully to actually preparing fatties for life in the big bad world and as a result their 'outside' the ranch results are far superior but we'll wait and see....
Speaking of the US Comp this is how Week 13 plays out:
The funny thing is, as previously stated, my 'standing' in the US series is far more 'competitive' and this is what I am sticking to in order to continue in my persistence of this insanity for another 3 + months (US Biggest Loser style).
I will wax lyrical about my 'feelings' towards the Australian version of the 'competition' at a later date but for now you are all up to speed as to my dismal weekly non performance and the current situation as we enter week 14...
Until tomorrow...yours in plus 900 gram fatness
LBL
Now I recognise that none of us were expecting a big number on the death dealers this week given the 're-setting' of my crap metabolism but none of us were anticipating crap on this scale!!! And when I say crap people I MEAN CRAP...
100.6kg - gee that came as a surprise...none of us thought the 100's were gone from my life...I know I didn't!!! That's a WEIGHT GAIN of 900grams or 0.9kg almost a whole kilogram people!! I don't think CRAP does a catastrophe of this magnitude justice this is F***KING S**T!!!
I have now gotten soooo embarrassed by my lack of achievement that I refuse to write up my lack of achievement on my fat shrine at Satan's Lair! In addition to this, I haven't even written it up on my fat shrine at home!
So, we know that the Australian Competition is drawing to a close and I have successfully achieved nothing in terms of that game...but for shits and giggles and further humiliation we'll put the data up:
Australian Comp:
| Contestant | Starting Weight | Week 13 - Finale | Loss | % | Total Weight Loss | Total Weight Loss % |
| Joe | 179.9 | 97.2 | 8.3 | 8.5% | 82.7 | 45.97% |
| Lisa | 121.9 | 65.7 | 5.3 | 8.1% | 56.2 | 46.10% |
| Shannon | 214.3 | 127.4 | 4.6 | 3.6% | 86.9 | 40.55% |
| Wayne | 161.5 | 98.7 | 3.5 | 3.4% | 62.8 | 38.89% |
| LBL | 112 | 100.6 | -0.9 | -0.89% | 11.4 | 10.18% |
| David | 165.6 | 99.2 | 66.4 | 40.10% | ||
| Phil | 146.9 | 93 | 53.9 | 36.69% | ||
| Phoebe | 116 | 76.9 | 39.1 | 33.71% | ||
| Rick | 172.6 | 97.2 | 75.4 | 43.68% | ||
| Caitlan | 179.0 | 124.8 | 54.2 | 30.28% | ||
| Daina | 105.2 | 77.8 | 27.4 | 26.05% | ||
| Chris | 129.9 | 104.2 | 25.7 | 19.78% | ||
| Jarna | 118.8 | 75.5 | 43.3 | 36.45% | ||
| Teneal | 97.4 | 58.8 | 38.6 | 39.63% | ||
| Elise | 104.6 | 66.7 | 37.9 | 36.23% | ||
| Jenni | 130.6 | 84.3 | 46.3 | 35.45% | ||
| Geoff | 161.6 | 117.8 | 43.8 | 27.10% | ||
| Romi | 99.3 | 85.8 | 13.5 | 13.60% | ||
| Allan | 151.8 | 131.5 | 20.3 | 13.37% |
At this point I would like to proffer a hypothesis on the Biggest Loser Australia Format and it relates to the point at which you are booted from 'the game'...thus setting fat people up for continued personal failure at home! If you look at the above stats the people eliminated early on in the game (the Romi's, Allan's) lost only marginally more than I have in the 13 weeks of 'competition' thus leading to the conclusion that there is something that appears to be unable to be replicated in the 'outside' world...probably that pescy little inconvenience called life but we'll get to that later.
Now I haven't done the stats for the US series as yet because we haven't finished the competition but I think we will find that the US structure lends itself more fully to actually preparing fatties for life in the big bad world and as a result their 'outside' the ranch results are far superior but we'll wait and see....
Speaking of the US Comp this is how Week 13 plays out:
| Contestant | Starting Weight | Week 13 | Loss | % |
| Darris | 157.27 | 102.79 | 3.17 | 3.1% |
| Michael | 239.09 | 165.09 | 4.08 | 2.5% |
| Ashley | 170.0 | 116.95 | 2.72 | 2.3% |
| Koli | 183.18 | 122.79 | 2.72 | 2.2% |
| Victoria | 162.73 | 121.42 | 2.26 | 1.9% |
| O'Neal | 176.82 | 128.24 | 2.26 | 1.8% |
| Sunshine | 125 | 87.32 | 1.36 | 1.6% |
| Sam | 169.09 | 115.01 | 0 | 0.0% |
| LBL | 112 | 99.7 | -0.9 | -0.9% |
The funny thing is, as previously stated, my 'standing' in the US series is far more 'competitive' and this is what I am sticking to in order to continue in my persistence of this insanity for another 3 + months (US Biggest Loser style).
I will wax lyrical about my 'feelings' towards the Australian version of the 'competition' at a later date but for now you are all up to speed as to my dismal weekly non performance and the current situation as we enter week 14...
Until tomorrow...yours in plus 900 gram fatness
LBL
Friday, August 6, 2010
Week 13 – Day 6 Saturday 7 August
As Axel Rose once scream so appropriately....
You know where you are
You're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die
And the Lion of this Jungle is named...the Washinator!
Once again my flare for the dramatic even impresses me...nough said
Today was the first day that the G-Star was going to be introduced to the 'joy's of the Washinator's Jungle and she and I were going to have to fight for our lives!
On with the gloves, the headgear and the mouthguard...let's do battle...its cardio box!
Now I realise the term Cardio Box sounds somewhat...well...girly but when faced with a trainer who for all intents and purposes is a cross between the Predator and Alien girly, I can assure you if the last thing it is.
What was interesting was that in between my final gasps for breath in order to well...LIVE...the G-Star and Washinator squared off about of all things core strength. Now I don't know if I have previously mentioned but the G-Star is well a bit of a Yogi (that is a Yoga practitioner/fan). What this translates to is freakish upper body strength and a core that can out plank the best of them...apparently NOT the Washinator...oh no...no way...no how!
The Washinator has set a little bit of a challenge, thrown down the gauntlet so to speak and it goes a little something like this...
I may not have previously informed you all but in order to focus on the star of this show i.e. ME...the G-Star and I determined that from this point forward (or at least for the remainder of the in-house competition) that I would undertake the excruciating pain that is Wash'time by myself...that is alone...that is just me...that is (breaking into show tunes once again):
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own...
I digress...but you get the picture.
Anyhoo, desperately wanting to share my love and show in a powerful display of commitment and caring I purchased my G-Star a present (so to speak)...lovingly, with kisses and a cherry on top I have bought the G-Star...
Twice weekly Personal Training sessions with the Washinator (applause please people...I'm showing the love)...and this is where we return to the Mexican standoff (akin to the Predator and the Alien)...
The G-Star was somewhat offended at the inference (made by the Washinator) that her core strength, well, needed some work....'I could out plank YOU!' she asserted with a somewhat temper tantrumesq air...'You think so Princess' (or some words akin to these from the Washinator) 'Well then within four weeks we will be having a Swiss ball squat stand-off!'...'You're on'...now it may not have gone down exactly like that but you get the idea...fortunately for fat little me, the Mexican standoff provided me with ample time to waddle behind a very large piece of equipment and well, hide!
So, it's on people...not only is he determined to kill me..he has now thrown down the challenge to break the G-Star....stay tuned.
That said the morning came and went as did the afternoon with no additional efforts on my part and in reality a somewhat poor dietary effort (considering my recently obtained expert advice and direction). All in all another lack lustre Saturday (as they all have been) and the dreaded veil of fatness descending with a very likely poor performance tomorrow on the death dealers...
Yours in trepidation and fatness
LBL
Week 13 - Day 5 Friday 6 August
Mornings are shit...that's right people shit! And the hardest part of the morning is rolling over, looking at the clock and realising that you have 15mins to get dressed and to Satan's Lair for an hour plus of unmitigated punishment at the hands of an exercise crazed maniac...welcome to Friday!
Once again the dreadmill was the order of the morning but with more of a focus on longer 'running' stints...can it be called running?? Perhaps a fast or moderately paced waddle is more accurate but I digress...anyhoo the session went for one hour Washinator time which equates to approximately 80+ minutes including some bicycle work, cool down and torture (stretches Washinator style). The old 'war' injury appears to be niggling me a bit at the moment but the Washinator is working through that...gee how grateful am I that he is a qualified nurse...NOT!
The day played out with work and exercise basically...nothing too interesting just painful really. Walking seems to be an optional extra in my life at the moment as is being able to feel major parts of my body without being in excruciating pain...ho hum poor fatty!
Afternoon session involved PT - leg work backed up by an RPM - Stage 7 of the Tour De Fat...Team Da Phat appears to be waining pretty badly at the moment (probably time to do some serious recruitment...any interest people???) So it was down to the Madster and myself...and to be honest I did the 'toilet break' on track 5 (the climbing track) because well basically...I'm piss weak!
Stage 7 - partially completed it was off to dinner and attempting to pretend I can at least act like I can move like a normal person in my still not fitting well size 18 jeans (thanks for that G-Star).
All in all...as Elton John once said...I'm still crawling (or was that standing...)
Yours in continued waddling fatness
LBL
Once again the dreadmill was the order of the morning but with more of a focus on longer 'running' stints...can it be called running?? Perhaps a fast or moderately paced waddle is more accurate but I digress...anyhoo the session went for one hour Washinator time which equates to approximately 80+ minutes including some bicycle work, cool down and torture (stretches Washinator style). The old 'war' injury appears to be niggling me a bit at the moment but the Washinator is working through that...gee how grateful am I that he is a qualified nurse...NOT!
The day played out with work and exercise basically...nothing too interesting just painful really. Walking seems to be an optional extra in my life at the moment as is being able to feel major parts of my body without being in excruciating pain...ho hum poor fatty!
Afternoon session involved PT - leg work backed up by an RPM - Stage 7 of the Tour De Fat...Team Da Phat appears to be waining pretty badly at the moment (probably time to do some serious recruitment...any interest people???) So it was down to the Madster and myself...and to be honest I did the 'toilet break' on track 5 (the climbing track) because well basically...I'm piss weak!
Stage 7 - partially completed it was off to dinner and attempting to pretend I can at least act like I can move like a normal person in my still not fitting well size 18 jeans (thanks for that G-Star).
All in all...as Elton John once said...I'm still crawling (or was that standing...)
Yours in continued waddling fatness
LBL
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Week 13 - Day 4 Thursday 5 August
I realise there appears to be some discrepancies in my story for week 13...namely that hideous concept of work that the G-Star seems determined to inflict upon me...
Well you see, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your way of thinking) my lovely little head Cheer Leader and Team Da Phat member, the Madster had been left to her own devices whilst the G-Star and I trudged off to work on Monday and Tuesday. Now I know the Madster is a big girl and all but sometimes a girl needs their mum and on Tuesday afternoon feeling excessively under the weather the Madster needed her mum...coming home after a long day's learning and finding the Madster in no fit state to go to work (at her part-time job) and worse still...in no fit state to cook for me!!! It was agreed that for the next couple of days the Madster required some mummy TLC...the result...a pass from working the rest of the week (at least for the time being) and some dedicated mummy time as well as....training! So that's the why and wherefore of how I came to be thrown into the fat tamers hands on the Wednesday!
On to today...I realise we haven't really talked about it much other than to mention my Vita Wheat and Milo meltdowns but I think I should possibly get you up to speed as to how the food / diet has been established over the past 12 weeks. In preparation of this experiment I purchased a range of Biggest Loser paraphernalia including cook books and treat tips as well as joining the on-line Biggest Loser Club. In the first few weeks I attempted to struggle my way through consuming the Biggest Loser shakes as a meal replacement in order to 'hit' the 1200 calories that 'the Club' had set down as my intake goal (based on the stats that had been put in to thier system). In spite of the incredible support and cheffing skills of my Madster the food has, is and continues to be a daily source of struggle for me in this insanity.
Having discussed my dietary measures with the Washinator it was agreed that at this pointy end of the 'game' it would be worthwhile to investigate the option of a dietitian to provide some insight and direction in the diet side of this equation...enter the red headed firecracker known as Lauren 'the food guru' Nugent...
So before we get to meet Lauren I really should take you through the day as it progressed...
As mentioned in the previous blog, the new 'Wash'ing' schedule includes a cardio session first thing in the morning (or at least what constitutes first thing for me...7am) so dragging my sore and very fat sorry arse out of bed I headed off to Satan's Lair for the first 'session' of punishment to be delivered for the day....and of course it had to be our least favourite piece of sadomasochistic equipment...The DREADMILL.
Interestingly enough the session on the Dreadmill which lasted for approximately 76mins (give or take toilet breaks and as a factual representation of the previously afore mentioned concept that the Washinator is unable to tell the time) was interesting and challenging at the same time. The session including attempting to 'jog/run' for longer stretches at a time...made it to 6mins in one stint at about 7km/h...in addition to this we also did sprints (30 sec on 40 sec off) and delivered a PB of 12km/h sprint...throw in some quick walks and a few hills and the time didn't fly by but rather crawled at an agonising pace delivering me ever closer to a washed up pool of sweat on Satan's Lair's finely polished floor. Apparently, and a new innovation for me is the 'reward' for my hard work of a stretch session delivered by....you guessed it...the maniacal one! I really am yet to realise the 'reward' aspect of this area of our 'sessions' as it basically rendered me in foetal position sucking my fat thumb crying and screaming profanities that include the likes of 'F**K OFF!!!"
Anyhoo...crawling out of Satan's Lair the day was busy, busy, busy with doctor's appointments running around and penultimately...my meeting with Lauren the 'food guru'...
Now it is fair to say I am pretty cynical when it comes to 'dietitians' the majority of whom I have ever come across look like caricatures of stick insects with personalities to match (apologies to any readers who are dietitians!) This however is not the first impression you get from Firecracker Nugent aka Lauren who has a healthy and one might say realistic outlook on food and the fat person...
So taking along the trusty Madster to fill in gaps and ask questions the hour session with Lauren was productive, enlightening and somewhat depressing given that I have in all likelihood done more harm than good with the minimalist approach to food intake over the last 12 weeks...
Another not so good piece of news is that things will probably get worse before they get better because at this point we (that is me) have to reset my metabolism which (as the last four weeks of limited fat movement has clearly evidenced) has drawn to a grinding halt in spite of whatever exercise or output efforts I have made.
To this end, the new eating regime includes a solid balance of carbs, protein and fruit/veg from a variety of sources all lovingly prepared and presented by my personal Chef...the Madster.
Following my session with Lauren it was off to Satan's Lair for my second PT session with the Washinator...not as hideous (on a sliding scale) as the previous day but still unpleasant!
All in all a productive, challenging and tiresome day....off to bed....
Yours in fatness and dietary information
LBL
Well you see, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your way of thinking) my lovely little head Cheer Leader and Team Da Phat member, the Madster had been left to her own devices whilst the G-Star and I trudged off to work on Monday and Tuesday. Now I know the Madster is a big girl and all but sometimes a girl needs their mum and on Tuesday afternoon feeling excessively under the weather the Madster needed her mum...coming home after a long day's learning and finding the Madster in no fit state to go to work (at her part-time job) and worse still...in no fit state to cook for me!!! It was agreed that for the next couple of days the Madster required some mummy TLC...the result...a pass from working the rest of the week (at least for the time being) and some dedicated mummy time as well as....training! So that's the why and wherefore of how I came to be thrown into the fat tamers hands on the Wednesday!
On to today...I realise we haven't really talked about it much other than to mention my Vita Wheat and Milo meltdowns but I think I should possibly get you up to speed as to how the food / diet has been established over the past 12 weeks. In preparation of this experiment I purchased a range of Biggest Loser paraphernalia including cook books and treat tips as well as joining the on-line Biggest Loser Club. In the first few weeks I attempted to struggle my way through consuming the Biggest Loser shakes as a meal replacement in order to 'hit' the 1200 calories that 'the Club' had set down as my intake goal (based on the stats that had been put in to thier system). In spite of the incredible support and cheffing skills of my Madster the food has, is and continues to be a daily source of struggle for me in this insanity.
Having discussed my dietary measures with the Washinator it was agreed that at this pointy end of the 'game' it would be worthwhile to investigate the option of a dietitian to provide some insight and direction in the diet side of this equation...enter the red headed firecracker known as Lauren 'the food guru' Nugent...
So before we get to meet Lauren I really should take you through the day as it progressed...
As mentioned in the previous blog, the new 'Wash'ing' schedule includes a cardio session first thing in the morning (or at least what constitutes first thing for me...7am) so dragging my sore and very fat sorry arse out of bed I headed off to Satan's Lair for the first 'session' of punishment to be delivered for the day....and of course it had to be our least favourite piece of sadomasochistic equipment...The DREADMILL.
Interestingly enough the session on the Dreadmill which lasted for approximately 76mins (give or take toilet breaks and as a factual representation of the previously afore mentioned concept that the Washinator is unable to tell the time) was interesting and challenging at the same time. The session including attempting to 'jog/run' for longer stretches at a time...made it to 6mins in one stint at about 7km/h...in addition to this we also did sprints (30 sec on 40 sec off) and delivered a PB of 12km/h sprint...throw in some quick walks and a few hills and the time didn't fly by but rather crawled at an agonising pace delivering me ever closer to a washed up pool of sweat on Satan's Lair's finely polished floor. Apparently, and a new innovation for me is the 'reward' for my hard work of a stretch session delivered by....you guessed it...the maniacal one! I really am yet to realise the 'reward' aspect of this area of our 'sessions' as it basically rendered me in foetal position sucking my fat thumb crying and screaming profanities that include the likes of 'F**K OFF!!!"
Anyhoo...crawling out of Satan's Lair the day was busy, busy, busy with doctor's appointments running around and penultimately...my meeting with Lauren the 'food guru'...
Now it is fair to say I am pretty cynical when it comes to 'dietitians' the majority of whom I have ever come across look like caricatures of stick insects with personalities to match (apologies to any readers who are dietitians!) This however is not the first impression you get from Firecracker Nugent aka Lauren who has a healthy and one might say realistic outlook on food and the fat person...
So taking along the trusty Madster to fill in gaps and ask questions the hour session with Lauren was productive, enlightening and somewhat depressing given that I have in all likelihood done more harm than good with the minimalist approach to food intake over the last 12 weeks...
Another not so good piece of news is that things will probably get worse before they get better because at this point we (that is me) have to reset my metabolism which (as the last four weeks of limited fat movement has clearly evidenced) has drawn to a grinding halt in spite of whatever exercise or output efforts I have made.
To this end, the new eating regime includes a solid balance of carbs, protein and fruit/veg from a variety of sources all lovingly prepared and presented by my personal Chef...the Madster.
Following my session with Lauren it was off to Satan's Lair for my second PT session with the Washinator...not as hideous (on a sliding scale) as the previous day but still unpleasant!
All in all a productive, challenging and tiresome day....off to bed....
Yours in fatness and dietary information
LBL
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Week 13 - Day 3 - 4 August...And in the beginning there was pain!
I recognise that when you start a new relationship there are usually birds chirping, butterflies fluttering and a slight queasy sensation in the pit of your stomach at the thought of seeing and being with your 'new' other half...
My new relationship imbues me with a nauseous sensation in my stomach, a cold sweat across my forehead and arm pits and a somewhat sick taste in my mouth...good morning Washinator!!
Entering into the first 'training' of week 13 I had had a few days to ponder my chubby navel and consider the what next with little to no exertion from my little fat body...oh bliss! However, doing nothing is not going to get this little fat fatty anywhere and as a 'wise' person once said...doing what you have always done will get you what you have always gotten...that is FAT!!
So the Washinator and I have devised a new schedule (said with a Vinny Barbarina twang...that is skedoole) and it looks a little like this (please keep in mind people that this is my 'introductory' few days with the Washinator...apparently next week THINGS WILL CHANGE...and we can safely assume NOT for the better!!)
This is not a test people...this is the REAL THING! And unfortunately for my fat little body I feel like the last 12 weeks have been a mere dawdle in comparison with what this maniac has in store for me...at the end of 'day 1' with the Washinator there is only one statement I can make...
I HURT
I don't mean slight discomfort or a little twinge....I truly HURT and I'm sure if I could feel any major limbs in my body I would HURT EVEN MORE!!!
So why do I hurt....well sit down a while and let me tell you WHY!!!!
Our morning PT session was, as I quickly found out, the Washinator's SIASS...suck it and see session. What do I mean by this...well the Washinator needed to determine my 'level' of fitness (to use my recently coined turn of phrase and oxymoron...my Fit Fatness). I can honestly say I never would have thought you could hurt, sweat and swear so much 'just' doing step ups! This is probably a pertinent time to tell you something that I am not proud of...it is humiliating and is something that leaves me guffawing when it happens on the Biggest Loser (due to its pathetic nature)...today in my first session with the Washinator...I...almost..........cried!
There I've said it, I am now officially a REALLY pathetic fat person that cries at exercise...my gods what has become of me???
Moving right along (it does no good to dwell on one's dismal fatcomings) the Washinator did 'achieve' something that hasn't occurred for over 11 weeks....I may not have succumbed to lying on the floor in a pool of my own sweat and crying BUT....I did spew! Apparently, as I have now learnt, this has absolutely no effect on the Washinator except for the inconvenient fact that I was required to have downtime to run/waddle to the ladies to spew...he is putting his mind to how he might be able to 'save time' and have me continue to train whilst spewing...should be novel!!
Let me tell you people, I thought I had been working hard the last 12 weeks...and I know 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing and that this entire experiment is just that an experiment and as such a learning process but honestly...one session with this freak and I wanted to run away to Guatemala never to be heard from again...the problem is this maniac would come and find me and make me do exercise in the hot, humid, stinking rain forrest!!!
Suffice to say that having done 'cardio' with this freak I really had no idea (and I mean NO IDEA people) of what was waiting for me in the PT session scheduled for the PM!! Oh but I soon found out...
Have you heard of the training 'philosophy' know as TiE (that's my little take on the term...it really should be DIE but I digress)...TiE stands for (in my language at least) til exhaustion (or til I'm exhausted) but apparently that doesn't mean until I think I'm exhausted...that means until this raving lunatic that I am paying by the hour thinks I'm exhausted...apparently he's big on value for money...me I'm happy to pay and get absolutely nothing in return...I don't see that as a waste of money...
So back to TiE...today's session resulted in...another spew (count it that's two, two spews for the day) and a focus on core/abs and upper body - pecs, shoulders etc. The new novelty of this kind of torture is that you don't get to stop after 10, 12, 15 or even 20 reps Oh No...you just keep going til you can't go no more and don't even think about pulling out the girly card and pretending to be spent after 10 reps...apparently the Washinator has had his heart surgically removed and tears, spew and profanity are literally water off a lunatic's back...
Apparently, following the PT session it had been determined by the fat gods in consultation with the Washinator that my day was not done...oh no...next....pull on the Jersey fatty because Team Da Phat is limbering up for Stage 6 of the Tour de Fat!!
Have limped, crawled, wheezed and sworn my way through the 45 + min session that was Stage 6 I was finally permitted to leave the Hell Fire Pits of sadomasochistic torture for the day and waddle, crawl and cry my way home for the evening...with the terrible realisation that this nightmare will continue again tomorrow...
Yours in my perpetual state of fat and pain
LBL
My new relationship imbues me with a nauseous sensation in my stomach, a cold sweat across my forehead and arm pits and a somewhat sick taste in my mouth...good morning Washinator!!
Entering into the first 'training' of week 13 I had had a few days to ponder my chubby navel and consider the what next with little to no exertion from my little fat body...oh bliss! However, doing nothing is not going to get this little fat fatty anywhere and as a 'wise' person once said...doing what you have always done will get you what you have always gotten...that is FAT!!
So the Washinator and I have devised a new schedule (said with a Vinny Barbarina twang...that is skedoole) and it looks a little like this (please keep in mind people that this is my 'introductory' few days with the Washinator...apparently next week THINGS WILL CHANGE...and we can safely assume NOT for the better!!)
This is not a test people...this is the REAL THING! And unfortunately for my fat little body I feel like the last 12 weeks have been a mere dawdle in comparison with what this maniac has in store for me...at the end of 'day 1' with the Washinator there is only one statement I can make...
I HURT
I don't mean slight discomfort or a little twinge....I truly HURT and I'm sure if I could feel any major limbs in my body I would HURT EVEN MORE!!!
So why do I hurt....well sit down a while and let me tell you WHY!!!!
Our morning PT session was, as I quickly found out, the Washinator's SIASS...suck it and see session. What do I mean by this...well the Washinator needed to determine my 'level' of fitness (to use my recently coined turn of phrase and oxymoron...my Fit Fatness). I can honestly say I never would have thought you could hurt, sweat and swear so much 'just' doing step ups! This is probably a pertinent time to tell you something that I am not proud of...it is humiliating and is something that leaves me guffawing when it happens on the Biggest Loser (due to its pathetic nature)...today in my first session with the Washinator...I...almost..........cried!
There I've said it, I am now officially a REALLY pathetic fat person that cries at exercise...my gods what has become of me???
Moving right along (it does no good to dwell on one's dismal fatcomings) the Washinator did 'achieve' something that hasn't occurred for over 11 weeks....I may not have succumbed to lying on the floor in a pool of my own sweat and crying BUT....I did spew! Apparently, as I have now learnt, this has absolutely no effect on the Washinator except for the inconvenient fact that I was required to have downtime to run/waddle to the ladies to spew...he is putting his mind to how he might be able to 'save time' and have me continue to train whilst spewing...should be novel!!
Let me tell you people, I thought I had been working hard the last 12 weeks...and I know 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing and that this entire experiment is just that an experiment and as such a learning process but honestly...one session with this freak and I wanted to run away to Guatemala never to be heard from again...the problem is this maniac would come and find me and make me do exercise in the hot, humid, stinking rain forrest!!!
Suffice to say that having done 'cardio' with this freak I really had no idea (and I mean NO IDEA people) of what was waiting for me in the PT session scheduled for the PM!! Oh but I soon found out...
Have you heard of the training 'philosophy' know as TiE (that's my little take on the term...it really should be DIE but I digress)...TiE stands for (in my language at least) til exhaustion (or til I'm exhausted) but apparently that doesn't mean until I think I'm exhausted...that means until this raving lunatic that I am paying by the hour thinks I'm exhausted...apparently he's big on value for money...me I'm happy to pay and get absolutely nothing in return...I don't see that as a waste of money...
So back to TiE...today's session resulted in...another spew (count it that's two, two spews for the day) and a focus on core/abs and upper body - pecs, shoulders etc. The new novelty of this kind of torture is that you don't get to stop after 10, 12, 15 or even 20 reps Oh No...you just keep going til you can't go no more and don't even think about pulling out the girly card and pretending to be spent after 10 reps...apparently the Washinator has had his heart surgically removed and tears, spew and profanity are literally water off a lunatic's back...
Apparently, following the PT session it had been determined by the fat gods in consultation with the Washinator that my day was not done...oh no...next....pull on the Jersey fatty because Team Da Phat is limbering up for Stage 6 of the Tour de Fat!!
Have limped, crawled, wheezed and sworn my way through the 45 + min session that was Stage 6 I was finally permitted to leave the Hell Fire Pits of sadomasochistic torture for the day and waddle, crawl and cry my way home for the evening...with the terrible realisation that this nightmare will continue again tomorrow...
Yours in my perpetual state of fat and pain
LBL
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Week 13 - Day 2 03 August - Enter the Washinator
As previously mentioned I had come to the conclusion that the on-going fat funk and lack of weight loss had a lot to do with well...my training regime. After much pondering and self reflection (excuse me my gag reflex just kicked in at my self actualisation...) the 'Biggest Loser' powers that be made a decision...being the most pitiful contestant to ever not grace the Biggest Loser household it has been decided by the Universal Fat Gods that I will be banished from the Biggest Loser 'house' and placed in the maniacal, cruel and tortuous hands of....
The Washinator
Unlike his predecessor the Washinator revels in fat filth, drinks the screams of vomiting fatties and laps up the profanities expelled from the mouths of waddling loads of lard...
Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you....THE WASHINATOR!!!
By Gods I should be in Hollywood selling this stuff...it was MADE for television...anyhoo I digress back to the story so far.
Having been in a perpetual state of frustration for the last 4 weeks I came to the conclusion that my body had just...well...gotten used to the training that I was doing...it was in...well maintenance mode and nothing that was happening at Satan's Lair appeared to be changing that! My food intake had been good (remember people I am Oprah I do have a personal Chef!) but my efforts on the exercise front just didn't seem to be progressing beyond the 1-2hour mark at what at the time I thought was a decent intensity...how wrong could a little fat waddle be? But more about that later...
Satan's Lair (Genesis Windsor) has a smorgasbord selection of PT's that are designed to suit your every need...From fat burning specialist, to hulk and bulk builders the Wellness Centre (I refuse to call it a gym...that's soooo 80's!) caters to most people's needs and wants when it comes to a Personal Fitness Guru!!
However, the perpetually fat little living biggest loser is in desperate need of something...well unique...something....special....something just a little maniacal...someone that is well...the Biggest Bitch you have ever come across in your entire life...enter Washington S from this point forth to be known as....The Washinator!!!
As I mentioned on Monday, a pescy little thing called work has interrupted my real job of losing weight and today was no different...I just made the decision that it was all too hard and didn't bother to drag my sorry fat arse to Satan's Lair for fear of...exercise. What the day did hold for me however was my second introduction to...the Washinator. When was my first you may ask...well let me tell you...
It was a dark and stormy night with no moon to be seen in the sky...the gentle hoot of an Owl and the spine tingling cries of a coyote in the distance...god I'm good but this was not actually how it happened. As you are all aware the Tour De Fat has been in full swing for a number of weeks now (although a number of stages have been postponed due to lack of effort on my part). However, this particular afternoon, I think it was a Wednesday afternoon about a week ago, that the Team Da Phat made an appearance for the 5th stage of the Tour De Fat...myself (obviously the group leader), the G-Star and Madster all saddled up for a rough ride...enter the Washinator...the set up for the session was:
Spare Bike...G-Star...LBL....Madster
All in the front row, all somewhat ready, not really willing and certainly not able to complete Stage 5. To our slight discomfort there entered a bit of a burly lad...salt and pepper close cropped hair, lycra (oh my god LYCRA) and a disconcerting pep in his step as he sidled up to the G-Star and jumped or was that leapt onto the bike next to her...OK no problem...sorry correction BIG PROBLEM...enter the Washinator!!
The Washinator, who as we found out later, is a dab hand at the old Tour De Fat, woo hooed his way through the entire 45min session whilst also fiddling with the G-Star's nobs (on her bike people...minds out of the gutter) and on several occasions highlighted that (via sign language) he had his eyes on my luscious G-Star and her efforts...the G-Star and I just assumed that this maniac was simply a new member of Satan's Lair with nothing better going on in his life...how wrong could we have been...
A mere week later and we found ourselves sitting across from this maniacal smiling fatsassin regaling him my tales of fat woe from the past 12 weeks! Ladies and Gentlemen...I would like you to meet...Washington aka The Washinator aka THE BITCH!!!
A little, just a snippet about the Washinator's background...he's a nurse/midwife as well as a PT and fitness fanatic, he has also been (in no particular order) a weight lifter, a trainer for the Australian Women's Weight Lifting Team and now his greatest challenge to date....MY TRAINER or put another way...My Bitch!
For the next 4 weeks the Washinator is going to dish out his unique brand of punishment in order for me to shift the FAT!! The Washinator is going to see me through to the end of the 'in house' part of this experiment and then...with any bad luck...he will also be my Fat de Force for the 3 months til grand finale...
So, with a new training schedule locked in and a serious amount of trepidation in my little fat heart...we Wash tomorrow!!!
Yours in fatness
LBL
The Washinator
Unlike his predecessor the Washinator revels in fat filth, drinks the screams of vomiting fatties and laps up the profanities expelled from the mouths of waddling loads of lard...
Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you....THE WASHINATOR!!!
By Gods I should be in Hollywood selling this stuff...it was MADE for television...anyhoo I digress back to the story so far.
Having been in a perpetual state of frustration for the last 4 weeks I came to the conclusion that my body had just...well...gotten used to the training that I was doing...it was in...well maintenance mode and nothing that was happening at Satan's Lair appeared to be changing that! My food intake had been good (remember people I am Oprah I do have a personal Chef!) but my efforts on the exercise front just didn't seem to be progressing beyond the 1-2hour mark at what at the time I thought was a decent intensity...how wrong could a little fat waddle be? But more about that later...
Satan's Lair (Genesis Windsor) has a smorgasbord selection of PT's that are designed to suit your every need...From fat burning specialist, to hulk and bulk builders the Wellness Centre (I refuse to call it a gym...that's soooo 80's!) caters to most people's needs and wants when it comes to a Personal Fitness Guru!!
However, the perpetually fat little living biggest loser is in desperate need of something...well unique...something....special....something just a little maniacal...someone that is well...the Biggest Bitch you have ever come across in your entire life...enter Washington S from this point forth to be known as....The Washinator!!!
As I mentioned on Monday, a pescy little thing called work has interrupted my real job of losing weight and today was no different...I just made the decision that it was all too hard and didn't bother to drag my sorry fat arse to Satan's Lair for fear of...exercise. What the day did hold for me however was my second introduction to...the Washinator. When was my first you may ask...well let me tell you...
It was a dark and stormy night with no moon to be seen in the sky...the gentle hoot of an Owl and the spine tingling cries of a coyote in the distance...god I'm good but this was not actually how it happened. As you are all aware the Tour De Fat has been in full swing for a number of weeks now (although a number of stages have been postponed due to lack of effort on my part). However, this particular afternoon, I think it was a Wednesday afternoon about a week ago, that the Team Da Phat made an appearance for the 5th stage of the Tour De Fat...myself (obviously the group leader), the G-Star and Madster all saddled up for a rough ride...enter the Washinator...the set up for the session was:
Spare Bike...G-Star...LBL....Madster
All in the front row, all somewhat ready, not really willing and certainly not able to complete Stage 5. To our slight discomfort there entered a bit of a burly lad...salt and pepper close cropped hair, lycra (oh my god LYCRA) and a disconcerting pep in his step as he sidled up to the G-Star and jumped or was that leapt onto the bike next to her...OK no problem...sorry correction BIG PROBLEM...enter the Washinator!!
The Washinator, who as we found out later, is a dab hand at the old Tour De Fat, woo hooed his way through the entire 45min session whilst also fiddling with the G-Star's nobs (on her bike people...minds out of the gutter) and on several occasions highlighted that (via sign language) he had his eyes on my luscious G-Star and her efforts...the G-Star and I just assumed that this maniac was simply a new member of Satan's Lair with nothing better going on in his life...how wrong could we have been...
A mere week later and we found ourselves sitting across from this maniacal smiling fatsassin regaling him my tales of fat woe from the past 12 weeks! Ladies and Gentlemen...I would like you to meet...Washington aka The Washinator aka THE BITCH!!!
A little, just a snippet about the Washinator's background...he's a nurse/midwife as well as a PT and fitness fanatic, he has also been (in no particular order) a weight lifter, a trainer for the Australian Women's Weight Lifting Team and now his greatest challenge to date....MY TRAINER or put another way...My Bitch!
For the next 4 weeks the Washinator is going to dish out his unique brand of punishment in order for me to shift the FAT!! The Washinator is going to see me through to the end of the 'in house' part of this experiment and then...with any bad luck...he will also be my Fat de Force for the 3 months til grand finale...
So, with a new training schedule locked in and a serious amount of trepidation in my little fat heart...we Wash tomorrow!!!
Yours in fatness
LBL
Monday, August 2, 2010
Week 13 - 02 August
So we have made it (so to speak) to Week 13 not necessarily in one piece and certainly not mentally intact but we have crawled, waddled, sweated and sworn our way to this point!
Let's be honest, I seem to be making out that this is some momentous occasions but it's not...remember although we may only have 4 weeks left 'in the game' we still have 3 months...count it 3 months people to do this 'by myself' before grand finale!!
As I continue to waddle my way through this insanity I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers...the accountability that you have 'enforced' on me is the only reason (other than the fact that I still remain FAT) that gets me through this. So I must admit I feel somewhat guilty that I have let you down with my lack of blogging for the last few weeks and for this I apologise...that's all about to change...
I know that sounds ominous and believe me...it is! but more about that later...
Let's talk about today...Week 13 Day 1 - 02 August 2010
I think I previously mentioned that to my absolute disgust...the G-Star has organised that I must work this week...when I say work I MEAN... 9.00am to 5.00pm nine to five as Dolly once waxed lyrical and let me just tell you...I tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, pore myself a cup of ambition, yawnin' stretchin' trying to come to life ( forgive me my Westside Story moment...I am gay after all!) I digress...
I believe I have previously mentioned that I recognise my experiment has not been 'real to life' given the fact that well...I am a kept woman! During this little experiment I haven't been working full time (in a earning a wage capacity) but rather have been looking or attempting to make Living Biggest Loser my 'job' - obviously my performance in this role has been lack lustre to say the least! Come to think of it...I would sack myself! So back to the story so far...
There is no PT booked in this week...I am on my own...I have lost my trainer because I didn't win the last challenge...goodness I'm melodramatic...I should be on the stage people!!!
This combined with the 'work' factor means...it's gonna be a shit week people! (That would be that optimism shinning through again people)
So the day kicked off in a flurry of...figuring out what to wear...now this may seem like a simple task people but thanks to the G-Star I have no comfortable FAT clothes left...she threw them all out...there are now a lot of happy fat people going in to the St Vinnies store and getting cheap, fat designer clothing! So can I just highlight that I am NOT yet a good, comfortable size 18... On a good day I am more like a size 18.5 or better yet 19! So the thought of spending an entire work day in my newly purchased size 18 pair of still fat people's jeans was...to say the least...not appealing...but given that I have no other clothes this was what I squeezed, forced, squished my fat chub in to...not happy G NOT HAPPY!!!!
The intention...which we have established I am REALLY GOOD at intentions...was to head to Satan's Lair for a morning cardio session but given my fat clothing crisis...this was never going to happen!
It has raised a really interesting set of ponderings for me I must say...question readers...how do fat people successfully lose their fat when they have a full time job, a family, kids...a life???? Answer...mostly They Dont!!! This shit is hard people...hard!!!!
Combine this with the fact that I was sooooo disorganised in relation to my 'planned' food in take for the day and things were in hell in the hand basket even before I stepped foot outside my front door! The only shinning light in an otherwise piss poor day was my little ray of sunshine the Madster...my personal chef, head Cheer Leader and all round amazing little dynamo...dinner was ready and waiting for when we got home. I must confess I completely undid the deliciously low fat pork and bok choy feast she had prepared with a vita wheat and Milo melt down later in the evening...this I can only tie to the fact that I was mentally exhausted and reverted to my perfectly learned behaviour of finding comfort and contentment in...food!
OK thanks for that Dr Freud...moving on
In a nut shell there was no exercise today...none, niente, bubcuss, nada, zip, zippo
What was an outcome of the day was a very long and difficult conversation with B-Man and Jacks about my lack of fat loss...conclusion..wait for it people...enter my equivalent of the Commando!
Now I can't go in to all the details as yet because everything hasn't been put into play but hold your breath people...it's going to be a bumpy ride...
Must go...need sleep...will talk tomorrow...
Yours in fatness
LBL
Let's be honest, I seem to be making out that this is some momentous occasions but it's not...remember although we may only have 4 weeks left 'in the game' we still have 3 months...count it 3 months people to do this 'by myself' before grand finale!!
As I continue to waddle my way through this insanity I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of my readers...the accountability that you have 'enforced' on me is the only reason (other than the fact that I still remain FAT) that gets me through this. So I must admit I feel somewhat guilty that I have let you down with my lack of blogging for the last few weeks and for this I apologise...that's all about to change...
I know that sounds ominous and believe me...it is! but more about that later...
Let's talk about today...Week 13 Day 1 - 02 August 2010
I think I previously mentioned that to my absolute disgust...the G-Star has organised that I must work this week...when I say work I MEAN... 9.00am to 5.00pm nine to five as Dolly once waxed lyrical and let me just tell you...I tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, pore myself a cup of ambition, yawnin' stretchin' trying to come to life ( forgive me my Westside Story moment...I am gay after all!) I digress...
I believe I have previously mentioned that I recognise my experiment has not been 'real to life' given the fact that well...I am a kept woman! During this little experiment I haven't been working full time (in a earning a wage capacity) but rather have been looking or attempting to make Living Biggest Loser my 'job' - obviously my performance in this role has been lack lustre to say the least! Come to think of it...I would sack myself! So back to the story so far...
There is no PT booked in this week...I am on my own...I have lost my trainer because I didn't win the last challenge...goodness I'm melodramatic...I should be on the stage people!!!
This combined with the 'work' factor means...it's gonna be a shit week people! (That would be that optimism shinning through again people)
So the day kicked off in a flurry of...figuring out what to wear...now this may seem like a simple task people but thanks to the G-Star I have no comfortable FAT clothes left...she threw them all out...there are now a lot of happy fat people going in to the St Vinnies store and getting cheap, fat designer clothing! So can I just highlight that I am NOT yet a good, comfortable size 18... On a good day I am more like a size 18.5 or better yet 19! So the thought of spending an entire work day in my newly purchased size 18 pair of still fat people's jeans was...to say the least...not appealing...but given that I have no other clothes this was what I squeezed, forced, squished my fat chub in to...not happy G NOT HAPPY!!!!
The intention...which we have established I am REALLY GOOD at intentions...was to head to Satan's Lair for a morning cardio session but given my fat clothing crisis...this was never going to happen!
It has raised a really interesting set of ponderings for me I must say...question readers...how do fat people successfully lose their fat when they have a full time job, a family, kids...a life???? Answer...mostly They Dont!!! This shit is hard people...hard!!!!
Combine this with the fact that I was sooooo disorganised in relation to my 'planned' food in take for the day and things were in hell in the hand basket even before I stepped foot outside my front door! The only shinning light in an otherwise piss poor day was my little ray of sunshine the Madster...my personal chef, head Cheer Leader and all round amazing little dynamo...dinner was ready and waiting for when we got home. I must confess I completely undid the deliciously low fat pork and bok choy feast she had prepared with a vita wheat and Milo melt down later in the evening...this I can only tie to the fact that I was mentally exhausted and reverted to my perfectly learned behaviour of finding comfort and contentment in...food!
OK thanks for that Dr Freud...moving on
In a nut shell there was no exercise today...none, niente, bubcuss, nada, zip, zippo
What was an outcome of the day was a very long and difficult conversation with B-Man and Jacks about my lack of fat loss...conclusion..wait for it people...enter my equivalent of the Commando!
Now I can't go in to all the details as yet because everything hasn't been put into play but hold your breath people...it's going to be a bumpy ride...
Must go...need sleep...will talk tomorrow...
Yours in fatness
LBL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)