I just love how the fit and fabulous with their book deals and television shows are always espousing the 'Don't do it tomorrow, DO IT TODAY!' mantra when patronising we fatties. If we could do it today, we would have done it on the millions of today's that have past over our fat history and we wouldn't find ourselves in our current situation now would we Einstein?
The 'DO IT NOW' garbage has never been a real winner for me. OK I'm a bit of a procrastinator but more that that, I'm a BIG PLANNER. Madsie has eloquently highlighted that I'm actually great on the planning...not so good on the follow through. OK so that may be another short coming of mine but in this instance I really do believe proper planning will prevent piss poor performance (or something like that).
So in preparation, I knew I had to do a few really important things. I knew these were going to cost money. I knew this was going to take time. Fortunately, for the purposes of my little experiment I have officially termed myself 'unemployed' - that is I work for myself and am in the fortunate financial position to be able to take or leave work as I see 'fit' and I really mean FIT! So time and money are not a big concern for my social experiment (within reason) the only thing standing in my way is, well ME!
So with G-Star (Gen my trusty partner and biggest fan) in tow, I headed out to put my insanity into practice:
Step One: Purchase all relevant Biggest Loser Paraphernalia including:
1. The Biggest Loser Change Your Life Book $34.95
2. The Biggest Loser Temptation Busters $29.95
3. The Biggest Loser Meal Replacement Starter Kit $34.95 (on special at Coles)
Total Cost $99.85
Step Two: Join a Gym
Head on down to the local gym walk in, see the gorgeous JaqStar (Jacqui) at the counter and curse the day I ever dreamt up this ridiculous plan! Tell the JaqStar that I wish to join the gym for three months! No more, no less! I don't want to know what they can do for me, I don't want to know how fantastic exercise is (as a very loud guffaw escapes my otherwise incredibly negative self), I don't want to know how I will come to 'love the gym' - excuse my french but BULLSHIT! Having no doubt scared the JaqStar into submission I was toot sweet introduced to the B-Man. Now just to give you a visual, the B-Man (Brandon) and co owner of said Gym with the JaqStar has muscles in places that I don't even have fat! Actually he has muscles in places I don't even have places! That said I thought it might be novel to regale both the B-Man and the JaqStar with a quick run down of my 'quest' so to speak.
Surprising, unlike most fit and fabulous, the B-Man and JaqStar were both really intrigued by my little experiment (both being closet Biggest Loser Tragics themselves) and after the filling of a few forms, the exchanging of a few credit card details the deed was done. I HAD OFFICIALLY JOINED A GYM!
Cost: $17.95 per week
Step Three: Find a personal trainer (my Michelle, Shannon, Bob or Jillian - I wish)
Having left my newly found guru B-Man in charge of assessing appropriate Personal Training options for me out of their stable of personal trainers, I felt confident that I had indeed proved the Madsie wrong in the immediate term and had commenced operation Living Biggest Loser with a bang!
That same evening (the B-Man is a man of his word!) I received a call from Rodrigo who is to become my personal Hellfire Mistress of Darkness. Unfortunately Rod being male looks absolutely nothing like Jillian (from the US Biggest Loser) and in no way entices me (from a visual perspective) to attend personal training sessions. However, in spite of his misgivings once I explained my GRAND PLAN, the Rodster is on board are raring to go.
Cost: 10 PT Session (30mins) - $425.00
So the pieces are falling into place, D-Day is fast approaching and I am about to 'enter the competition' - wish me luck!
Yours in fatness
LBL
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