There is an old saying that goes something like this:
The definition of insanity: Doing what you have always done and expecting a different outcome.
I wonder what it is in the human condition that makes us think that if we persist with failure then somehow it will turn in to success?
After an adult lifetime of being fat the only way for me to change that has been to 'enter the biggest loser competition' and have a butt load of people (those I love and those I hardly know) get on board and support and encourage and kick my sizable arse...failure is NOT an option - not this time. But let's talk about that...failure not being an option is about not letting others who are investing in me down but what about me? I think my biggest fear in this process is not letting others down but a real fear of mediocrity...what if I only lose a few grams like last week in spite of the monumental efforts of the last two days (yes I realise two days is a piss in the ocean when looking at 16 weeks but work with me here!) Does not losing masses of weight each week like they do in the house amount to failure? Or worse still does it actually mean I am merely mediocre at this weight loss game?
The mind, I am starting to realise is a far more powerful machine than the body. What your mind tells you IS your reality in spite of what the body is able...so is this actually a battle of the bulge or a war of the mind? The crap that is associated with the Biggest Loser competition (the in house version) often shits me to tears with all their 'journeys' and tears and tantrums and the personal trainers suddenly becoming grief, loss and all round life counsellors. Can't say I've broken down in tears, can't say I've questioned why, how, when I got fat (simple answer ate the wrong foods, ate too much of them and did NO exercise!). I haven't been unloved, I'm not unattractive, I have a great sex life so in my mind my reality is well, pretty damn good. So that begs the question 'why am I doing this'...simple answer...I'm simply not happy with me.
As previously mentioned in prior blogs I have always been a bit of an overachiever so why has this been the major downfall to my otherwise quite comfy existence? I think there you have it people...the word existence. When you are fat (overweight, obese) life is a series of compromises, of, you guessed it, mediocrity and if there is one thing I can't abide it's mediocrity. I think that's why the actual 'show' so frustrates and infuriates me. Weight loss has been packaged, prettied and sold at a level of mediocrity that insults and sets people up for failure. Is it that only people who are ritually humiliated on national television for up to three months have won the right to rapid weight loss? How many of the contestants that have been past competitors on the show have actually continued their 'journeys' and maintained their weight loss at the levels espoused by the production company. OK so they trot out the regulars for the finales and the master classes but really that is only a hand full of all the contestants they have 'helped' throughout the past however many seasons.
The B-Man made an interesting observation the other day and it was along these lines...a commitment to a healthy weight is a life long one. Mentally that's a really tough thing for a fat person to get their head around.
Anyway, back to the day at hand. Another cracker of a day (in spite my mind's misgivings at certain times - oh god I want cake, I reeeeealllyy need chocolate and hot chips, I'm NOT going to go back to the gym) in spite of these little arguments with myself I pulled it out of the bag again.
Cardio 1 hour
PT 1hour
Cardio 1 hour
Cardion Swim 1 hour
Even more impressive was the fact that Bastardo took it upon himself to do his own training session at the gym in the afternoon and low and behold the treadmill next to mine just happened to be free....lucky, lucky me. So not only did I train with him in the morning, I also had a buddy training session with him in the afternoon - Rod this IS NOT going to become a regular thing - I need my alone time.
All up, even in spite of Sushi for lunch had a top day and am really confident that this week I will finally pull a big number...here's hoping!
Yours in fatness
LBL
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